shitting upstream

In literal terms, it is the act of defecating against the current of a body of water because the circumstances of the situation offer the individual no other option but to poop right then and there in the river. This messy situation, having to poop while submerged in water, is exacerbated by the poor choice of the individual to defecate with his/her backside facing upstream. The current then pushes the feces back in the direction of the defecator and thus makes this already messy situation much messier. In an everyday scenario, this expression means to attempt to improve a desperate situation but in doing so, make the situation worse for oneself.

Example:

Dude 1: How’d it go with Kelly last night? You finally get to bone her before you left for school?
Dude 2: No, I made it worse.
Dude 1: How?
Dude 2: Got myself into the friend zone. I heard she was more into sensitive guys so I tried really hard to be sensitive around her. She ended up telling me I'm a really good person and we should just be friends. I was shitting upstream, man. Now there’s no chance we’re gonna bone, even when we come home for winter vacation.

by PTouch August 21, 2009

usterday

a combination of "the other day" and "yesterday"

( wife ) : You didnt tell me you were going out w/ the guys tonight.

( husband ) : yes i did i told you usterday

by dellbeatey June 29, 2010

Ulster High Five

When you slap a girls arse during a particularly heavy menstrual cycle and you return with a red hand in the fashion of the red hand that adorns the badge of the Ulster rugby team.

After getting an Ulster High Five I think I'll just masturbate instead.

Ass Red Hand Period

by Knuckles54 October 14, 2017

Ulsterman

A son of Ulster. A man that comes from one of the nine counties of Ulster in Ireland.The terms Ulsterman however is usually associated with people that come from the six counties that form Northern Ireland which is part of the United Kingdom. The term also applies to people that are descended from Northern Ireland although not necessarily having born in that part of the world.
Ulstermen are known to be a fiercely patriotic race people, great warriors, very honourable and very Christian

Don't worry about James he will pull through, he is after all an Ulsterman!

by Ulsterman May 10, 2007

upstrokes

Masturbating and typing to your friends on the upstrokes

I... am... writing... this... on.. the... upstrokes... and... watching... porn... too

by Snbia July 20, 2008

Ulster

a geographical region consisting of the northernmost 9 of the 32 counties of Ireland: Armagh, Donegal, Tyrone, Fermanagh, Monaghan, Londonderry/Derry, Antrim, Cavan and Down. Six of those counties (Tyrone, Fermanagh, Armagh, Derry, Antrim and Down) Constitute the political region of Northern Ireland while the other three (Donegal, Monaghan and Cavan) belong to the Republic of Ireland. Although many unionist politicians use the term "Ulster" to refer to "northern Ireland" this is not strictly accurate. In ancient times most of modern day county Louth was also part of Ulster while County Cavan was part of Meath.

UVF Bomber: We will defend Ulster forever from those dirty Fenian Taigs!

Guy living in Donegal: WTF?

by Fergus mac Roich May 2, 2006

Upstream Tristo

The words Upstream Tristo typically describes someone's penis to be microscopic and physically cannot grow any bigger then 1 Nanometer in length.

Person 1: Omg Jenifer said that when Tristan took off his clothes just before they were about to have sex, she couldn't see his penis! She even held a magnifying glass to it and still couldn't see his penis. It was an Upstream Tristo size!
Person 2: What a fucking loser!

by John Wock April 9, 2022