LaVeyan Satanism

The original religion of the founding fathers of the USA. Anton LaVey only organized it further and opened up the first Satanic church in 1966.

The founding fathers and writers of the Constitution were the first practitioners of what became later known as "LaVeyan Satanism". But, some corrupt/greedy British Federalist crooks decided to worm their way back in, and create fake institutions in this country and turned the USA into a police state governed by a fake Federal government, instead. (little known fact. lol)

by Abraham's Adversary January 20, 2019

Satans Sloppy Seconds

This is an act when you're stuck in a room with Satan and a Prostitute and Satan is trying to convince you to eat the Corn-chips (Pussy) but the Corn-chips are on fire (Herpes) from Satan eating them before you. So what you do is take some Oregano and a Basket-Ball and sprinkle the Oregano on the Corn-chips and use the Basket-Ball to bring out the flavors of the flaming hot Corn-chips before you begin to dig in. This technique can also turn into one called "The Rapture" where as you start eating the flaming Corn-chips God busts into the room through the wall like he is the Kool-aid man with a Foot-Ball and a Baseball bat telling you not to eat the Corn-chips. Confused by this recent encounter you decide to stand on a chair and tie a noose around your neck, whilst you're on the chair God begins to spread Oregano on the Foot-Ball and place it on the Corn-chips and hits it with the Baseball bat in attempt to put out the fire on the Corn-chips. This causes the Prostitute to flail kicking the chair out from underneath you and causes you to hang there feeling elevated as if you have been ascended.

Last time I did bath salts I woke up feeling like I had been given Satans Sloppy Seconds.

by Tyronefy January 14, 2018

Satansoo

A nickname given to the Korean singer D.O (Kyungsoo) his squishy cheeks and doe eyes cause people to think he's innocent but what they didn't know is that he's the embodiment of Satan and that he could kill anyone with his gay death glare
His special moves are choke hold, gay pelvic thrust, failed aegyo, glare of a thousand deaths, and scandalous vocals (they are super affective on Baeks)

Shisus: "Hey Suho...Baek, your child, I heard he was killed by...by who again?"
Umma Suho: "Satansoo...said he was annoying so he shoved a pole up his ass and *SNIFFLES* called him a slut...he died instantly"

by Askazama June 14, 2015

Satans cum

When you bite into a pizza roll and the scorching hot sauce burns your tongue. That sauce is satan's cum.

Careful, those pizza rolls are full of satans cum.

by Eriic099 February 4, 2013

Satans Asshole

The Hottest, Sweatiest and most uncomfortable Heat ever experienced by a human being!

Holy Shit, It's hotter then Satans Asshole in here!!

Hey Don, it's as hot as Satans Asshole outside today!! maybe we should go to the pool.

That Jalapeno was so hot that my mouth feels like Satans Asshole!!

by Edub923 September 12, 2010

Satanism

Satanism is not one single religion. Satanism is a broad category of religions, worldviews, and literature all featuring a favorable interpretation of Satan. Christians (and Muslims) regard their God as all-good and Satan as evil. But what is good? What is evil? Many of the moral values espoused in the Bible seem very strange from a modern Western point of view. In the Garden of Eden story, Adam and Eve are punished for eating from the "tree of knowledge of good and evil." In other words, blind obedience to the Biblical God is considered "good," whereas independent moral judgment, based on one's own knowledge, is considered "evil." But, like many other educated people in the West today, Satanists do not agree with this idea at all. In the Book of Genesis, "God" seems to be outright threatened by human knowledge and achievement, both in the Garden of Eden story ("And the LORD God said, 'The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.'" - Genesis 3:22) and then later in the Tower of Babel story ("But the LORD came down to see the city and the tower that the men were building. The LORD said, 'If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other.'" - Genesis 11:5-7).

According to traditional Christian doctrine, the main “evil” thing Satan is believed to do is simply to lead people away from Christ. Whether this is a good thing or a bad thing depends on how you feel about Christianity. From a more down-to-Earth point of view, the worst thing Satan is said to do in the New Testament is to drive people insane. (Insanity is blamed on alleged “demon possession.”) Indeed, if one is careless, one can drive oneself insane through exploring the unknown and seeking to “become as gods,” as Satan invites people to do. On the other hand, if one takes reasonable precautions in pursuing one's explorations and ambitions, one can reap great benefits. Thus, most Satanists do NOT see themselves as "worshiping evil." Rather, most Satanists associate Satan with such values as pride, independence, individuality, knowledge, achievement, thinking for oneself, and exploring unknown and forbidden realms. Furthermore, contrary to the portrayal of Satanism in horror movies and sensationalistic tabloids, the vast majority of Satanists do NOT see any need to sacrifice animals or commit violent crimes in the name of Satan. There are many kinds of Satanists. For most of the past forty years, the most public Satanist spokespeople have been atheistic symbolic Satanists, who do not believe in or worship Satan as a literal entity, but who regard Satan as a symbol of independence, pride, individual ambition, etc.

by ♫ Highway to Hell ♫ July 24, 2010

Satanism

An excerpt from the official Church of Satan website:

<b>"If you have read our books, you know that Satanism isn’t about taking drugs, and it isn’t about harming animals or children. Unlike many religions and philosophies, Satanism respects and exalts life. Children and animals are the purest expressions of that life force, and as such are held sacred and precious in the eyes of the Satanist. Besides, it is very un-Satanic to take any creature’s life against its will. It is equally un-Satanic to cloud your brain and impair your judgment with mind-altering substances."</b>

Also, someone who worships Satan as a being is practicing Luciferianism, not Satanism.

by _autopsy_whore_ May 29, 2004