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Mustache Theory

The theory that the shorter the first name the greater the likelihood that person has a mustache. Only holds true for White Males that live in the United States.

Theory in mathematical terms:
Name<= 4 letters = Mustache
Name>= 5 letters = No Mustache
Stranger to gentleman with finely combed mustache: "Hello fine sir, may I trouble you for your name?"

Mustached Gentlemen: "Why yes, it is Al"

Stranger: "Mustache Theory!"
by Brandon with no mustache January 8, 2011
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mustachemanship

A specific quality, or ethos, that distinguishes one's mustache as being of higher quality than one's peers. Possessing the quality of good mustachemanship involves not only impeccable grooming and regular maintenance, but also a confidence and swagger that says, "My mustache isn't just my facial hair, it's my lifestyle!"
Tom Selleck sure is sexy with that incredible mustache. He has great mustachemanship!
by The Vipe February 3, 2010
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Cock Mustache

Freshly Shaven Mustache above penis shaft
Hey your cock mustache looks exactly like Keith Hernandez cock mustache
by Tyrone2 June 19, 2008
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forehead mustache

Sam: Dude, take these tweezers and fix that forehead mustache.
Max: Thanks bro.
by steamodon August 3, 2010
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Mustache

A universal icon representing the epitome of authority and raw **manhood. It graces small children the chance to believe in a hero and causes evil-doers to second guess their existence. There are very few things in this world that could ever achieve the divine status that each individual hair is birthed into. Resting just above the upper lip, the mustache is a beacon to all mankind that there is hope for this world and a bright future for all who have been gifted with this treasure from God himself.

** I used manhood as a majority observation. No disrespect to the women of this world that wear their mustache with pride.
When I grow up I want a mustache like that.

Think you can handle this mustache?! I didn't think so...
by UltraMegaKev March 5, 2010
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Meat Mustache

The act of humiliating someone so hard that there is an illusion of a penis on the victim's upper lip. Then the assailant connects all of one's fingers to their thumb and shakes it in an italian mob style with both hands. In a quite fast gesture, the assailant forms the Italian mob style hands to their upper lip and parts the invisible "meat mustache." After the process is done, the assailant must yell, MEAT MUSTACHE.
Jimmie: How's your hotdog Dean?
Dean: Pretty good. Maybe the best I have ever had.
Jimmie: *Knocks the hotdog to the ground. Performs the act.* MEAT MUSTACHE!!!!!!!
Dean: *Cries softly*
by scotty_boy101 May 27, 2013
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Mustache March

The most hallowed of traditions of the employees of Great Lakes Airlines. Every March, all employees must grow a mustache for the duration of the month. The last day of February is the last day that the upper lip can be shaved. Then, during the last week of the month, the annual Mustache Bash is held and awards for various follicle cultivation achievements are distributed. Roots of this tradition are hazy, but most attribute it to a pollock captain and El Capitan
I can't wait for Mustache March, I've been massaging my lip for months to stimulate the follicles. I'm going to make Tom Selleck look like a fucking boy scout.
by Manic Hispanic February 11, 2009
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