Fag lord Jesus

This is the king of all faggots. They pray to him everday and night to keep him happy. Thye might even bend over for him

Faggot 1: Did you pray to fag lord jesus
Faggot 2: no i forgot, might as well bend over

by hungryChicken February 06, 2019

jesus h christ

name; Jesus Henry Christ. The illegitimate son of Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene and the grandson of god. Today used as an expression of amazement or excitement which has carried over from his lifetime. When Mary would introduce his as Jesus H Christ, people would reapeat it in disbelief.

Mary: Hey luke, have you met my son, and the grandson of god, Jesus H Christ?
Luke: Jesus H Christ! Praise your Grandpa! Are you here to die for our sins like your old man? Hey what does the H stand for?
Jesus H Christ: Henry
Luke: Jesus H Christ! Turn some water to wine! Let's party!
Jesus H Christ: hallelujah! Your prayers have been heard! Bring out the water!
Mary: Jesus H Christ! You'r to young to drink.
Jesus H Christ: My Grandpa damn you!
Luke: Jesus H Christ!, you said it.

and so on

by C.W. Anderson III September 14, 2005

Jesus H. Christ

Jesus H. Christ is a mythological character stemming from Christian lore. The "H" in the middle of the names is believed to stand for a number of things, ranging from "Holy" to "Harold," However, recent evidence suggests that the "H" actually stands for "HeySeuss." This story book character's middle name was inserted recently in order to pay homage to the greatest children's story teller of all time: Dr. Seuss. While the movement started as something of a cult tradition, it quickly made its way into pop culture, even appearing on the silver screen from time to time as a profanity. This is of course wildly inappropriate to true followers as it is disrespectful to take the good Doctor'said name in vain. As a happy coincidence of this fan-fabricated name, the Hispanic pronunciation of the first name is also taught upon reading the middle name.

God: Do you mind if I name my child after you?
Dr. Seuss: It would be an honor.
God: He shall be called Jesus HeySuess Christ.
Dr. Seuss: Jesus H. Christ, a fine name for a main character.

by DefiningReality June 03, 2017

Zombie Jesus Day

A day where jesus arose from his grave after being dead for awhile! People were like " Ahh, It's zombie jesus!" and " Let this day be known as Zombie Jesus day!" but, the Church being the bitches they bare had to go and distort the story and make it easter instead!

Girl 1: Happy Easter! Ya'll!
Girl 2: Likewise
Girl 3: Ya'll some dumb ass blondes in disguise. It's Zombie Jesus Day not Easter!

by Black Lilac April 13, 2010

Jesus Freak Scenario

Meeting a cute girl who seems like she's into you only to be completely turned off from her upon reading that she describes herself as a "jesus freak" on her facebook/myspace.

dude1: "Hey man, how's it going with that chick you've had your eye on for a while?"

dude2: "total jesus freak scenario man. don't bring that shit up"

by asdfasdf212 September 27, 2011

Jesus Take The Wheel

When one is to drunk to drive while still insiting on driving, allows a higher power to do the driving for them. It stems from the popular Carrie Underwood song with the title of the same name.

"I know drinking and driving is wrong so that is why i let Jesus take the wheel, whenever I drive home drunk, he'll guide me home safely"

by St. Jason, The Great April 15, 2008

jesus diet

When you only eat when jesus stells you........

Person 1: "Oh God Please Help Me"
Jesus: "Do Not Eat Until I Tell You"
Person 1: "Oh Thank you Jesus"

The Jesus Diet!!!!!

by Brian Campbel February 13, 2008