I'll put it in my memoirs.

A snarky expression to mock someone for saying something uninteresting or that adds zero value to the conversation.
Flo: I ran 10 miles yesterday!
Joe: Great, I'll put it in my memoirs.
by guacamole face March 04, 2017
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i'll fucking cut you

When a random cunt is threatening to cut you.
Person 1: What's up Bin chicken?
Person 2: i'll fucking cut you.
by not-ss July 24, 2017
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The adult way of saying "Im telling my mom!"
Idiot: I broke your toy
Idiot #2: I'll be speaking to my lawyer!
by Onehighjump February 20, 2017
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i'll take two, please!

A tongue-in-cheek response to a product or service that appears lavish, excessive in volume, or extravagant in price.
You mean if I eat the entire 84 Ounce Steak in one hour along with all of the sides, I get it for free? I'll take two, please!

The new high rise project downtown just finished; you can get a 1200 square foot condo with panoramic city views starting at $550,000. I'll take two, please!
by Spartana January 26, 2018
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I'll put a tail on you

To fuck someone from behind . Can be used as a chat up line or as a warning / threat .
Girl : hey wanna come over tonight ??

Boy : yea - ill put a tail on you girl

Bouncer : your too drunk , your not coming in

Customer : shut up ya dull cunt - I'll put a tail on you !!
by Gazza February 04, 2016
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I'll loot your fridge

An extreme threat involving anal sodomy
Shut up or I'll loot your fridge
by hayfeverfacey October 04, 2008
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I'll take it from here

Literally means 'I'll assume responsibility and control of this situation from this point forward.'

It's usually used in a condescending manner, with sarcasm optional. So, in reality, it means, 'You've screwed up enough/underperformed the task, so I'll assume control and responsibility so it won't become FUBAR.'
New guy at job - "Hey, I transfered the account to Mrs. Jennings like you told me to!"

Boss - "WHAT?! I told you to transfer the funds to Mr. Jennings?! I'll take it from here."
by jajais4u March 14, 2011
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