The apotheosis of living for the modern middle aged family man. Netflix and chill, for husbands who have long ago abandoned both erotic frisson and euphemism.
"The wife's away, so I'm going to treat myself to a Deliveroo and wank."
"You mean..."
"Yes, a lukewarm curry followed by furious self abuse."
"You mean..."
"Yes, a lukewarm curry followed by furious self abuse."
by bighairyotter August 10, 2021
Get the Deliveroo and wankmug. by Christophlambpie August 15, 2023
Get the Wank muppetmug. To combine 2 sexual acts for one dose of heightened pleasure a pokey bum wank combined with self asphyxiation by the use of vigorously inserting ones finger in an out of one's own anus whilst furiously pleasuring ones own man truncheon with the other hand and at roughly a minute before the point of unbridled ecstasy lean forward on the pre attached belt (hung from the light fitting before the start of the act) choking one's self out and at the point of the act of cumming releasing the pressure on the belt giving you the pleasure of a good pokey and a good bit of asphyxiation admittedly it is a lot of effort but after a few goes it gets easier to set up ideally a spare bedroom is available so you can just leave the equipment ready and waiting not for the feint of hearted and not recommended to do without letting someone know what you have planned (maybe phone up one of your parents and ask if they could stay on the line to make sure release was in good time if a bit late they can phone the relevant emergency service)
I really enjoy a good pokey chokey bum wank but I love a bit of asphyxiation sex too if only there was a way I could enjoy both at the same time (idea form's) just maybe there is a way it might take some time and effort but just think of the pleasure maybe just maybe it might be worth a bit of experimentation to see what is the worst that can happen
(any attempt to do this is at one's own risk and no amount of expensive no cash up front lawyers can help to sue until a safety bracket can be set up maybe one for some entrepreneurs to try pitch to the dragons den)
(any attempt to do this is at one's own risk and no amount of expensive no cash up front lawyers can help to sue until a safety bracket can be set up maybe one for some entrepreneurs to try pitch to the dragons den)
by Jack Mehoff jizz mater general August 30, 2018
Get the Pokey chokey bum wankmug. An additional level of risk to a 'Danger Wank'.
You do the same as a danger wank but have to watch some weird fucked up porn, so if they do catch you it's way worse.
You do the same as a danger wank but have to watch some weird fucked up porn, so if they do catch you it's way worse.
by Mrs Pearley November 1, 2021
Get the dodgy wankmug. A deviation of the Pokey Bum-Wank where a chocolate sweet is used as a replacement for the finger. The sweet treat is inserted into the anus whilst carrying out the five-knuckle-shuffle to heighten the participants' pleasure. This may also be of benefit to those that have to take emergency action to control their blood-sugar levels due to a diabetic emergency - though there is little medical evidence to prove that this will successfully prevent the patient from slipping into a coma mid-wank.
I am feeling particularly horny having left the gym all pumped up and after observing the lycra-clad lovelies that were also working out. However, I have unsuccessfully kept control of my blood-sugars and need to take urgent action. I think I will kill two birds with one stone and have myself a Flakey Bum-Wank.
by normanstanleyfletcher April 5, 2025
Get the Flakey Bum-Wankmug. by ColtCommando223 July 12, 2011
Get the Wank Wastemug. When you give yourself a posh wank but the condom rips right at the top and your cum goes everywhere.
Joe: Yesterday I gave myself a posh want but when right when I had finished I experienced a posh wank scam.
Dave: Damn dude! Your cum must have gone everywhere!
Dave: Damn dude! Your cum must have gone everywhere!
by HustleMeister August 14, 2017
Get the Posh wank scammug.