Jerk off and smoke Newports

A figurative description of an attitude towards life, as well as your immediate and distant surroundings. When you refer to yourself or someone else 'just Jerking off and smoking Newports',, you are simply trying to convey that you/they are not letting anything current issue take their mind off themselves. It is the most self-absorbed and least constructive activity imaginable.

Once I get my pension, I am just gonna retreat to my apartment in Des Moines, and then I'm just gonna jerk off and smoke Newports until Yellowstone does us all in, THAT's my 5-year plan!

I tried to pursuade him to get more involved in student politics, but he just sits in his room jerking off and smoking Newports like these things don't affect him!

by how-young-people-talk March 31, 2020

Jerking off onto Lucky Charms

Being at your rock bottom living in your office closet, jerking off with a limp dick and the cum lands in a pile of cereal dust that you had dropped two days ago.

Hey! Have you seen Bob lately?
I heard that he fell off the wagon in is now jerking off onto Lucky Charms.

by Oreosgirlfriend November 8, 2020

jerking off nathaniel style

Jerking Off Nathaniel Style refers to jerking off but like a Nathaniel. To Jerk Off Nathaniel Style, you must have vinegar and Mountain Dew, preferably LiveWire flavored. Then, you wanna put both items in a bag and stick your dick inside. Then, you go on as if you were jerking off normally, only you cum in the Mountain Dew vinegar filled bag instead.

David wanted to jerk off, like he always does. But he was bored of the usual ways of using a fleshlight and his hands. He had heard from his classmates about jerking off nathaniel style and wanted to try it out. He went to his gas station to get some Mountain Dew and went back home for the vinegar. He took the objects he needed into a secluded alleyway and proceeded with the J.O.N.S. In the middle of his jerk off session (nathaniel style), a car with strobing lights on the top passed by. David has epilepsy and proceeded to seize and foam out the mouth. David was found dead 3 weeks later because no one gives a fuck about David.

by dajinco January 12, 2025

Jerked off

When someone is visibly angry or irritated but not to the extent of being pissed off.

“Hey, did you see how mad bill was this morning?” “Yeah he’s all jerked off”

by BDizzy January 29, 2024

Jerk off

Something men and even women (mainly middle/high schoolers and even young adults) do when they’re sad, lonely, horny af, or just want to feed the geese.

Goodnight bro, see you tomorrow, boutta go jerk off.

by Stickytipbro March 15, 2023

A Jerk-Off Jehova Witness

noun: person: A Jerk-off Jehova Witness is somebody who only texts or calls you when he's jerking off, and doesn't ever want to actually meet. He is annoying and comes a-knocking at the times that are convenient only to them.

Mike only ever calls me when he's jerking off. I offer to make plans so we can both get off, but something always comes up. He's such a jerk-off jehova. aka. a Jerk-Off Jehova Witness

by R. Tizz-E April 9, 2024

Jerk off

When two people compete in a dance called the Jerk to see who’s better at jerking.

“Dan and Bill are gonna have a jerk off after school!”

by anonymous December 11, 2021