A humanoid drone with no intentions in life other than to go to prison, steal things from old women, and beat 4 year olds. In this episode of "Exploring Vermin", we dissect the Chav's existance.
1: Morals
A Chav is motivated not by its own brain(whether or not it has one is unknown) but rather the actions of its pack(see 2), with some of its more aggresive actions fuelled by the beatings it was given whenever it made a single noise for the first 5 years of its life. It generally aims to:
-piss off every living thing around it
-make itself look like a complete arse
-chug enough monster and red bull to make an ant be able to cross the world twice in around half an hour
2: Interactions of its kind
Chavs hunt in a small pack of 5-6 males with one or two chavettes, usually for extra dickhead motivation. The group of arseholes will then try to look hard in front of the female(s). The Chav will attack anything nearby, including small children, brick walls and postboxes, usually ending in an ASBO.
3: Sustenance
Chavs will consume anything as long as it is not healthy in any way. Chavettes notably treat vegetables as poison.
4: Friends
-none found-
5: Enemies
-cannot display, number exceeds 99999999.
6: Reproduction
Chavs and chavettes will reproduce once every few weeks, ers, a scientifically proven fact.
7: Intelligence
Ha, that's a good joke.
8: Conclusion
Both the chav and chavette need to become extinct for humanity to remain profitable.
1: Morals
A Chav is motivated not by its own brain(whether or not it has one is unknown) but rather the actions of its pack(see 2), with some of its more aggresive actions fuelled by the beatings it was given whenever it made a single noise for the first 5 years of its life. It generally aims to:
-piss off every living thing around it
-make itself look like a complete arse
-chug enough monster and red bull to make an ant be able to cross the world twice in around half an hour
2: Interactions of its kind
Chavs hunt in a small pack of 5-6 males with one or two chavettes, usually for extra dickhead motivation. The group of arseholes will then try to look hard in front of the female(s). The Chav will attack anything nearby, including small children, brick walls and postboxes, usually ending in an ASBO.
3: Sustenance
Chavs will consume anything as long as it is not healthy in any way. Chavettes notably treat vegetables as poison.
4: Friends
-none found-
5: Enemies
-cannot display, number exceeds 99999999.
6: Reproduction
Chavs and chavettes will reproduce once every few weeks, ers, a scientifically proven fact.
7: Intelligence
Ha, that's a good joke.
8: Conclusion
Both the chav and chavette need to become extinct for humanity to remain profitable.
Louis: yo blad what u bin sayin??
Kev: nothin mate juss bin wiv chantelle
Gazza: aaay fams wot ya doin
Louis: blud, wot u doin yeh?
Gazza: startin fam? STARTIN?
Louis: an whaat blud? i bang you mum
*Gazza walks off, muttering "u succh a chav blud"*
Kev: nothin mate juss bin wiv chantelle
Gazza: aaay fams wot ya doin
Louis: blud, wot u doin yeh?
Gazza: startin fam? STARTIN?
Louis: an whaat blud? i bang you mum
*Gazza walks off, muttering "u succh a chav blud"*
by David Attenbourough September 1, 2012
Get the chav mug.its a british stereotype... generally a teenager or young adult, but you get chavs in their 40s too. they shop at sports shops only, and wear tracksuits everywhere. the girls scrape their hair back into a bun and slick it with gel. the girls also wear extremely large hooped earrings. both male and female chavs wear as much fake gold and fake burberry as possible. they like to chew noisily and swear their heads off. most live on council estates and often have kids in their teens. the british form of a redkneck
by fireworks_yga_1996 March 6, 2010
Get the Chav mug.INTRODUCTION
One of the lowest forms of life, chavs can most commonly be found loitering around street corners late at night or in McDonald's. Teenage chavs are generally more violent than adult chavs, as teenage chavs are not only stupid and violent, but also hormonal. Unfortunately, PETA and the RSPCA outlaw killing chavs as vermin under the animal protection act of 1975. Chavs populate roughly an overwhelming 40% of the population of the UK.
BEHAVIOUR
Although there are some slight variations, chavs are inherently violent and stupid. Chav attacks are common, especially in the UK and little or no provocation is needed to trigger a chav attack. Although chavs are often in poor physical shape due to poor diet, overuse of alcohol, smoking/drug use and lack of exercise, they can swarm an innocent member of the public within minutes and "kick the shit owt ov him" whilst he is down. Chavs value acting "hard" and appearing intimidating over intelligence and kindness.
ADVICE
Chavs can be very dangerous in numbers, so it is advisable to know how to deal with one. Some may say "to beat the chav you must become the chav". This is true to an extent. If in danger of being attacked by chavs, alter your behavior slightly to appear a little more like them until you get an opportunity to leave. This can be done simply with the occasional use of the word "mate" and avoiding any long words which may confuse or anger the chavs.
One of the lowest forms of life, chavs can most commonly be found loitering around street corners late at night or in McDonald's. Teenage chavs are generally more violent than adult chavs, as teenage chavs are not only stupid and violent, but also hormonal. Unfortunately, PETA and the RSPCA outlaw killing chavs as vermin under the animal protection act of 1975. Chavs populate roughly an overwhelming 40% of the population of the UK.
BEHAVIOUR
Although there are some slight variations, chavs are inherently violent and stupid. Chav attacks are common, especially in the UK and little or no provocation is needed to trigger a chav attack. Although chavs are often in poor physical shape due to poor diet, overuse of alcohol, smoking/drug use and lack of exercise, they can swarm an innocent member of the public within minutes and "kick the shit owt ov him" whilst he is down. Chavs value acting "hard" and appearing intimidating over intelligence and kindness.
ADVICE
Chavs can be very dangerous in numbers, so it is advisable to know how to deal with one. Some may say "to beat the chav you must become the chav". This is true to an extent. If in danger of being attacked by chavs, alter your behavior slightly to appear a little more like them until you get an opportunity to leave. This can be done simply with the occasional use of the word "mate" and avoiding any long words which may confuse or anger the chavs.
by TheEpicWalrusMan March 24, 2013
Get the Chav mug.by ivegotblistasonmefingas January 7, 2011
Get the Chav mug.An english derived term for a common type of British citizens. They can be of any age (usually 12 through to 80), and they all smoke, do drugs and binge drink.
Female and male chavs are both quite similar, as their dressing style (tracksuit) is the same, and both genders do not work.
Below is a typical example of a conversation between two chavs.
Female and male chavs are both quite similar, as their dressing style (tracksuit) is the same, and both genders do not work.
Below is a typical example of a conversation between two chavs.
A: Ayup, why you lose so much fat, like?
B: I just popped out another one.
A: Whos da dad?
B: Dunno.
A: OMG dat's like sooo gangsta. :L
B: Yeah man. We so gangsta.
A: So why dey call us chavs?
B: I just popped out another one.
A: Whos da dad?
B: Dunno.
A: OMG dat's like sooo gangsta. :L
B: Yeah man. We so gangsta.
A: So why dey call us chavs?
by Alice-Jane October 17, 2008
Get the Chav mug.chav = Council housed and violent
appeared on commercial road, Bulwell circa 1988 and spread like a virus.
appeared on commercial road, Bulwell circa 1988 and spread like a virus.
by brizogg July 4, 2011
Get the chav mug.A 'Chav' can be found jumping from playground equipment, kicking cans and walking like they have a twisted ankle. The reasons for this strange behaviour is unknown, but some spectators suggest it could be to establish their importance, since they're normally about half the height of an average person. Their outfits of choice are full blue tracksuits, hoodies, empty backpacks and caps... preferably backwards. They like to threaten people and then run when approached, as well as carrying plenty of fake knives and bags of sugar to attempt to feel in charge and appeal to other members of the strange species. They can also be seen smoking joke cigarettes and carrying water pistols, in groups of at least 69.
Person 1: Did you see Shawn?!
Person 2: Yes. He's threatening a turtle with a twig and running away when it looks at him.
Person 1: What a chav....
Person 2: Yes. He's threatening a turtle with a twig and running away when it looks at him.
Person 1: What a chav....
by C L G September 2, 2017
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