The story of Albert Patrick is most certainly one that belongs in the history books of every eighth grader in this great nation—not because it’s very important but because it perfectly encapsulates the true nature of America. It’s a story of crooked Jewish lawyers paying scumbag valets to poison the living shit out of rich white men. It’s a story of heavily racist trials and the crooked American judicial system that, at the same time, points out how American privilege can get you out of any sticky situation. It’s a story of a prestigious American university teetering in the balance between the forces of good, evil, and something in between.
Basically William Marsh Rice was this rich white guy who amassed a fortune (probably clubbing seals and black people with his famed pimp cane). Towards the end of his life he became so worthless and decrepit that his hooknosed lawyer, Albert Patrick, hatched a pretty awful scheme to make off with Rice’s fortune. The idea was to alter Rice’s will which, at the time, earmarked his entire estate to the creation of a educational institution in Houston, Texas, that would teach young white males to club seals and African Americans. Allegedly Patrick asked Rice’s valet to pull a Sixth Sense and poison Rice slowly and surely. The slowly and surely thing didn’t work out so the valet just sort of chloroformed Rice to death one night. Smooth move.
A trial ensued thanks to that meddling Captain James Baker. Basically, it was a slam-dunk trial against a Jew in early 1900’s New York, dooming Patrick from the start. It was also one of the most publicized trials of the century, up until the OJ Simpson case. Apparently, America loves ethnicities committing atrocities. AP got his parole opportunity several years later, got the charges against him dropped, after which he moved to the inland United States and—I’m not making this shit up—helped to found a church.
Fast forward and Rice University is now standing. There’s a residential college—Will Rice College—and there’s a new dorm section that actually points away from the main quad. We’re going to call that the 80’s and the 90’s These rooms are also known as Albert Patrick College, so I’m told but God knows whose idea that was. Traditionally these rooms “break off” from WRC at some point during the spring and throw a party.
Basically William Marsh Rice was this rich white guy who amassed a fortune (probably clubbing seals and black people with his famed pimp cane). Towards the end of his life he became so worthless and decrepit that his hooknosed lawyer, Albert Patrick, hatched a pretty awful scheme to make off with Rice’s fortune. The idea was to alter Rice’s will which, at the time, earmarked his entire estate to the creation of a educational institution in Houston, Texas, that would teach young white males to club seals and African Americans. Allegedly Patrick asked Rice’s valet to pull a Sixth Sense and poison Rice slowly and surely. The slowly and surely thing didn’t work out so the valet just sort of chloroformed Rice to death one night. Smooth move.
A trial ensued thanks to that meddling Captain James Baker. Basically, it was a slam-dunk trial against a Jew in early 1900’s New York, dooming Patrick from the start. It was also one of the most publicized trials of the century, up until the OJ Simpson case. Apparently, America loves ethnicities committing atrocities. AP got his parole opportunity several years later, got the charges against him dropped, after which he moved to the inland United States and—I’m not making this shit up—helped to found a church.
Fast forward and Rice University is now standing. There’s a residential college—Will Rice College—and there’s a new dorm section that actually points away from the main quad. We’re going to call that the 80’s and the 90’s These rooms are also known as Albert Patrick College, so I’m told but God knows whose idea that was. Traditionally these rooms “break off” from WRC at some point during the spring and throw a party.
by DJ humble July 14, 2006
Get the albert patrick college mug.A place for high school "students" that cannot get into any other college. A "college" of "students" obsessed with comparing themselves to other small, private, selective, liberal arts colleges while coming up short in having...a retention rate of over 40%, facilities renovated since 1960, food that is edible, successful graduates, meaningful classes, etc. Go to this place if your rich parents can't buy your way into any other actual College (i.e. W&L, Elon, Roanoke, Wofford, Furman, Suwanee, Rhodes, Richmond, anywhere else).
Lynchburg Travel Brochure Preview:
At any time on the Lynchburg "College" campus you can find visiting high school seniors that were tricked into visiting and drunk "students" that were forced into coming after failing all junior and senior year classes.
Lynchburg Travel Brochure Preview:
At any time on the Lynchburg "College" campus you can find visiting high school seniors that were tricked into visiting and drunk "students" that were forced into coming after failing all junior and senior year classes.
Hey bro, why did you come to the 'Burg?
Oh, wait, what? you mean Lynchburg College. I got rejected from everywhere else.
But I hear this place is like 50 colleges that changes lives and stuff...so anyway you wanna go get blackout before convocation.
Yeah, that should be chill bro. I can finish my book report on Treasure Island later. I got 5 hours til class. I just gotta study for my final tomorrow. It's crossword and matching. Brutal bro.
Yeah, how can our lives change and stuff like when they make us study.
Oh, wait, what? you mean Lynchburg College. I got rejected from everywhere else.
But I hear this place is like 50 colleges that changes lives and stuff...so anyway you wanna go get blackout before convocation.
Yeah, that should be chill bro. I can finish my book report on Treasure Island later. I got 5 hours til class. I just gotta study for my final tomorrow. It's crossword and matching. Brutal bro.
Yeah, how can our lives change and stuff like when they make us study.
by lcisawful February 8, 2010
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by CorporationX May 2, 2005
Get the college station mug.Possibly one of the most hated GPS schools, along with Saint Ignatius, Shore, Grammar, High and Newington. They are a bunch of wannabe mad dogs, but fail. They have been known to recruit a bunch of Aboriginals on rugby scholarships. Yer. GREAT WORK GUYS. Most of the other schools question the Joey's sexuality as well. Ok, they wear pink rugby jerseys, not friggen cerise. But cerise still sounds gay, so i dunno what they are whingeing about. Other interesting facts-
a male gappy is currently banging an employee(unspecified gender)
a male gappy is currently banging an employee(unspecified gender)
Saint Josephs College, Hunters hill at home, vs the MIGHTY TKS
Abo kid- wanna go me bah? i'll see you after da game!
White Fella- sure thing, bring all ya mates to you cocky little bastard.
later on
Abo kid- sorry bah, i gotta go now. maybe next time aye?
Abo kid- wanna go me bah? i'll see you after da game!
White Fella- sure thing, bring all ya mates to you cocky little bastard.
later on
Abo kid- sorry bah, i gotta go now. maybe next time aye?
by Cameron fuckin Warnock August 25, 2009
Get the Saint Josephs College, Hunters Hill mug.by Anonymous July 22, 2003
Get the bryant college mug.A group of gang banger who usually mob, bully and scapegoat the thought-to-be-pathetic-loner all around the college department without knowing that they are messing with the wrong person that he in turn pulls up a great and malevolent pranks towards them. They are in absent knowledge that most introverts are gifted with 3-digit IQ and they often evaluate these discreet genius for being among the weaklings. Their unfounded statement is completely erroneous that in the end these rednecks end up humiliating themselves in fiasco.
A conversation by a group of College Rednecks
Shahril: Dude, I broke my laptop and if i told my parents about it they're surely gonna kill me.
Zoul: Let's falsely accuse this loner for smashing Shahril's laptop.
Aziz: Good idea Zoul. I'm in.
Hafidz: Hopefully, we can get some money to buy our cigarettes and some hot bitches.
Sha Ryza: Brilliant! I've been longing for a box of cigarettes too.
Aniq: I'd suggest that we bring this poor fellow inside Hafidz's room and beat him in the dark.
Epul: Nice one! Let me be the executioner and torture him to make him confess.
All: YEAH!
Soon, their actions are known by the College authorities and the whole students at college are starting to hate these moronic rednecks.
Shahril: Dude, I broke my laptop and if i told my parents about it they're surely gonna kill me.
Zoul: Let's falsely accuse this loner for smashing Shahril's laptop.
Aziz: Good idea Zoul. I'm in.
Hafidz: Hopefully, we can get some money to buy our cigarettes and some hot bitches.
Sha Ryza: Brilliant! I've been longing for a box of cigarettes too.
Aniq: I'd suggest that we bring this poor fellow inside Hafidz's room and beat him in the dark.
Epul: Nice one! Let me be the executioner and torture him to make him confess.
All: YEAH!
Soon, their actions are known by the College authorities and the whole students at college are starting to hate these moronic rednecks.
by Limpahruj June 28, 2010
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