Schrödinger's Douchebag

A guy who says offensive things and decides whether he was joking based on the reaction of people around him.

Dude 1: I think this DEI shit is getting way stupid!
Dude 2: Are you kidding me? You think it's stupid to give oppressed people a helping hand in life?
Dude 1: Nah, man; I was just kidding!
Dude 2: Nice deflection, Schrödinger's Douchebag.

by k80theshade April 14, 2025

Dollars to doughnuts

used to bring/call/draw attention to one's confidence.

"I'd bet dollars to doughnuts he's a medical student"

by Arminkshipper June 27, 2025

Zellinger's Douchebag

Based off of Anton Zellinger, the man who discovered Quantum Entanglement (the theory that electrons have the ability in two positions at one time), A Zellinger's Douchebag never states their full, true position. They will always leave their opinion in the subtext, so in a scenario where they are called out for it, they can claim they never said that, despite clearly meaning it.

Zellinger's Douchebag: Did you know straight includes transwomen now?
Person 2: Are you trying to say transwomen aren't women?

Zellinger's Douchebag: What? No! When did I ever say that?

by somethingisntwrong;) July 7, 2025

Schrodinger's Douchebag

Someone who makes a distasteful/offensive comment (Racist, sexist, homophobic etc), then tries to play it off after it doesn't land.

Guy 1 (Schrodinger's Douchebag): "Marlon mogs all of you? Yeah, but he's black."

Guy 2: "No, he's not."

Guy 1: "Oh, he's not?" *Nervously tapping on table*

Guy 2: "Have you seen his parents? They're white."

Guy 1: "Oh."

Guy 2: "I think he's just really tan. He does mog."

Guy 1: "H-He mogs us to oblivion."

by Dean Dihchester July 9, 2025

Schrodinger's Douchebag

When someone makes a bigoted comment (Racist, Homophobic, etc) and tries to play it off as a joke after realizing the joke didn't land and it isn't the right crowd.

Guy 1 (Schrodinger's Douchebag, Clav): "Marlon mogs all of you? Yeah, but he's black."

Guy 2: "No, he's not."

Guy 1: "Oh, he's not?" *Nervously tapping on table*

Guy 2: "Have you seen his parents? They're white."

Guy 1: "Oh."

Guy 2: "I think he's just really tan. He does mog."

Guy 1: "H-He mogs us to oblivion."

(Later that day)

Guy 2: "Clav really tried to Schrodinger's Douchebag his way out of that one. We should stop talking to him."

by Dean Dihchester July 9, 2025

Parallel park a doughnut

To have sex with a woman while using a doughnut as a cock ring

Hey babe, I just stopped a Krispy Kreme wanna Parallel park a doughnut

by Shrimpocalypse July 20, 2025

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by Lonnie Benningfield juniorshaq July 26, 2025