Skip to main content

The Fitness Gram Pacer Test 

What the speaker says:
The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20-meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. beep A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. ding Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

How it is:
The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test designed to torture children and make them want to die. It progressively gets more shitty as it continues. The 20-meter death test will begin in 30 secs. It will have you gasping for breath while your P.E. teacher yells at you to "KEEP MOVING" and you want to tell him to STFU. Line up at the start. The running speed starts fine I guess you could say but gets faster and makes you feel more suicidal each minute after you hear this signal. beep A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. ding Remember to run in a straight line, and run even when you want to fucking faint and never walk again. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over and you will thank god for giving you mercy. The test will begin on the dreaded word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
* poor student 1 dragging on the floor herself through the hall because she can't even bear to walk.*

Poor student 1: *moans in pain*
Her athletic best friend: Come on you can get there.
Poor student 1: * says in very tired voice* Can't you see I'm trying.
*two Athletic students carrying poor student 2 to the nurse's office because he fainted in the middle of the test and will probably only get an ice pack*
Her Athletic Friend: Poor kid
Poor student number 1: I am not surprised. This is what the Fitness Gram Pacer test does to children.
The Fitness Gram Pacer Test mug front
Get the The Fitness Gram Pacer Test mug.
See more merch

on papers 

Being on probation, or parole. It's absolutely terrible, avoid at all costs.
Guy: Wana smoke man?
Person: Nah, I can't man im still on papers
Guy: Thought you got off that last month?
Person: Nope, still got a coulpe more months
Guy: Sorry bro

Ruse Papers

Papers you carry with you while making visits of a purely personal nature to coworkers, giving the impression to others that you intend to conduct actual business.
Grab some ruse papers and we'll go find out what Tracey's doing this weekend.

paperwork marriage

A marriage that is for the sole purpose of one or both of the participants to gain benefits that would not be available outside of marriage to each other--quite often for immigration or health insurance purposes as opposed to marrying for love/lust. Very common in the military as unmarried soldiers are required to live in the barracks.
Soldier 1: Man, I hate living in the barracks.
Soldier 2: If you got a paperwork marriage you wouldn't have to live in the barracks. Just keep your shit separate from hers and you're gold.
paperwork marriage by jepleure November 12, 2009

paperweight mode 

when an electronic device is rendered useless either through suicidal behavior or user incompetence
Guy 1:"Hey man can I play your PSP?"
Guy2:"Nah, its been in paperweight mode ever since i tried to hack it but fucked up."
Guy1:"Well, FUCK! That sucks."
Guy2:"Yea, so does your mom."

paperless work 

Bureaucratic work of the new era that does not involve paper, as opposed to paperwork, popular before invention of the paperless office.

First used in Futurama in the episode about the movie Minority Report.
From Futurama:
“Ain’t you headin’ home, Phil?”

“In a minute. I just wanna finish this paperless work.” – Fry

I've outsourced the data entry to oDesk, because it is such a tedious paperless work.
paperless work by bugpower December 15, 2011

paperstackinperry 

PaperStackinPerry is a upcoming rap artist from Virginia Beach Virginia who affiliates with XVL Ent. By Jose Guapo
That looks like PaperStackinPerry