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Free Speech Absolutist

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! AHA! He said this! He said he was that! He banned people immediately! For doing the thing that he is an absolutist about! HA! That’s hilarious! That’s a hilarious thing to do! That’s sounds like something I would do! And I’m evil! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You hear the Prophet Lord Dr. Professor Jordan Beatrice Peterson (leave be upon him) say that he wants to collude with the government officials he knows personally to create an online facsimile of hell for people who do don’t keep their speech within the confines of his conceptualization of “acceptable discourse”!? I guess the red skull guy was right about him being the type of guy who would collude with the government to silence dissidents, huh? That is wild! That is wild my guy! Look at these sorry sacks of shit!
Elon Musk “I’m a free speech absolutist!”

Elon Musk “And I’m Elon Musk! I gave my child a retarded name because I’m a solipsistic who things I’m living in a simulation created explicitly for me! Nothing I do matters because nothing is real (except me)! I like to fuck people’s wives on a bed of my fathers emeralds! Like that scene from the Pierce Brosnen (Bronson? Bronsen?) James Bond movie where he does that... except with emeralds instead of diamonds!”

Elon Musk “Shit, hey, I’m Elon Musk too! Look at me!”

Elon Musk “Parody” “Hey, I’m following the rules! Oh? I’m banned anyways? Aw, that’s no fun. The freeze peach isn’t very absolute here.”
by Hym Iam November 9, 2022
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the absolute cheese

Used to express how good something is, how dumb someone is, how awesome a thing is ... etc ... it's great to describe almost anything actually!
1. No school today? That is the absolute cheese! - Lisa
2. OMG Bush, you are an absolute cheese - Dave
3. That has *got to be* the absolute cheese! - Pip
by Lii September 5, 2005
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what in the absolute fuck

The most extreme variant of what the fuck. Considered to be one step above what in the actual fuck.
"Hey Tom, we're gonna need you to come in this weekend." "Really?" "Yeah. Also, the client moved the deadline from next month, to next Thursday..." "Okay...What in the absolute fuck?"
by otakudude303 October 8, 2018
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Absolute Fucking Horseshit Dickless Faggot

Noun. Also known as a fucking idiot virgin with dick sores from beatin it all day while thinking about GUYS...

Definition: Those assholes who try to impress some stupid bitch by attempting to enter her bitch name with some sappy, faggy, totaly unrealistic description into the urban dictionary in hopes of actually getting to smell a pussy one day. You're all losers.
Nobody gives 2 shits about how nice you think some twat is. She's already cheating on you because chicks don't respect wussy little cock pockets like you, you absolute fucking horseshit dickless faggot!
by kel the dog August 14, 2010
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Absolute unit

A man of such incredible power nobody can stop him and everybody fears this absolute unit
Dave: hey you seen that guy Declan Adams
Stuart: yeah I heard he’s an absolute unit
Dave: yeah him and that guy Joel Timbrell are trouble
Stuart: I like kids
Dave: Aiden is a pussy
by Aiden whiteley October 4, 2018
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absolute code

Among gay people there is an implicit Code of Honor: no matter how badly someone offends you, it is absolutely forbidden to expose or “out” fellow gays to their family, straight friends, or work colleagues.
No self respecting gay person would break the absolute code.
by Bill Peters November 6, 2006
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Absolute Theorem of J/K

Theorem stating that there is some truth to every "j/k."

Every time somebody claims to be joking, one knows that part (if not all) of what they say is actually true.
(the Absolute Theorem of J/K in practice)

Person 1: Hey, man. what are you doing?

Person 2: Talking crap about you to other people and being the most hypocritical friend in the world. j/k. Not much.
by reinix March 20, 2009
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