Beat the witness

When a man strokes his penis till "baby batter" comes out.

Man...check out that fine lookin' hottie. Now I'm going to have to beat the witness!!!

by Mayo January 29, 2005

badgering the witness

A lesser-known euphemism for masturbation.

Quentin, would you please stop badgering the witness? We have work to do!

by Max in RI May 30, 2006

badgering the witness

to masturbate, the violent manipulation or aggressive stroking of ones genitals

I couldn't get it up for Mary because I was badgering the witness all afternoon.

Susan caught her brother badgering the witness while watching Full House.

by theanarchist July 21, 2013

The Witness

When you walk into a Taco Bell bathroom and you see a big fuckin shit floating in the toliet.

Little bobby had a taco supream, a burrito supream, nacho surpream, and a soft taco supream. Lil bobby took a big shit in a public bathroom, and didnt flush, in order for the next faggot to use the shitter they would be a "witness".

by AlleyViper December 8, 2004

Um, Leading the witness your honor

Is what you say when someone is leading someone else to a conclusion that they wouldn’t have otherwise drawn without your input. They use this all the time in courtroom dramas and I’ve seen some of those which means I’m technically a layer. No big deal or anything...

Hym “He was clearly NOT going to say ‘wisdom.’ He said ‘FREEDOM’ and was not going to say wisdom until YOU said wisdom. So... Um, leading the witness your honor! That’s the second time in those clips that you did it too! You did it to the other guy too!”

Dr. Moses Aaronson “Wouldn’t you say that the conclusion you’re trying to draw is the conclusion I want you draw and that I already have drawn in the past?”

Professor Junior Senior-Esquire the 3rd “Why YES! I was! I was going to say that! And I was in no way lead to that conclusion by you leading me there! I’m not here to be a sycophantic yes man whose sole purpose is to affirm your subjective interpretation of the Bible!”

Hym “Ha! Ridiculous! I just saved everyone reading this the trouble of watching your Exodus lecture. That’s all it is. You aggregating your cronies to affirm your propositional ethic. ‘God is too perfect for anyone to be around so I, Dr. Jeeple Jorpson, need to act as an intermediary for it’s will! You need the structure I provide because you can’t be trusted to make decisions because you are basically an animal to me! Or worse if you’re Hym!”

by Hym Iam November 27, 2022

Now witness the firepower of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL battle station!

You are about to get destroyed physically, mentally, and spiritaully. Generally if this phrase is bellowed out it means the bellower is about to engage in a mass slaughter with absolutly no care for their own safety. Expect no quarter given. Although a relitivly rare act, certain social pressures, neurological ihibitors, or defeat in a video game can cause this.

Vavey: Owned you again!

Dave: Now witness the firepower of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL battle station!

Vavey: ohhhh....crap

*Gore everywhere, house destroyed along with neighboring countries

by Vavey May 5, 2007

witness the thickness

Bearing witness to a particularly pleasant ass, which is both fit and capable of strenous activity.

Damn Holmes, witness the thickness!
(As a woman with an attractive rear end walks by.)
Indeed Watson, quite an assadocious young lady...

by emilygoo July 27, 2006