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The Bible

An egotistical autobiography people put in the fiction section at times.
Church: "Did You Read The Bible"
Priest: "No"
Church: "Get The Hell Out Then"
by ThyOfThee January 25, 2021
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The bible

The most bullshit fairytale ever that a bunch of people still believe in. (spoiler alert, jesus dies)
Matthew: Hey man lets burn the bible!
Brandon: Hellz yeah!
by Biblebasher69 January 4, 2011
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the bible

A story about the most important daddy dilf to ever exist.

Typically read by older women or young closeted men in gay groups (YMCA)
jamal: i know people say it's bad and all but i'd enjoy to be tied to a cross

jesus: what?

jamal: you'd understand if you read the bible
by Stormyyyyyyyyyy June 6, 2021
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The Bible

The Bible comes in handy when you have run out of
a.) Toilet paper
b.) Kindling
c.) Spitball ammunition
d.) Coffee filters
e.) Paper towels
f.) Diapers
g.) Maxi pads
h.) A surface from which to snort your cocaine

...Among other things.
by Rev_elation April 30, 2008
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The Bible

A book of fairy tales that religous fanatics use as an excuse to breed hate.
Gay marriage and drugs are amoral and therefore wrong according to The Bible so ill have my senator make them illegal. FUCK THIS BOOK!
by arizonabay January 6, 2010
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The Bible

A completely ficticious piece of work.
They should put a textbook disclaimer sticker on the bible.
by Stuju March 15, 2005
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The Bible

The most disputed collection of books in existence. Contain many life morals, Logic Flaws, and contradictions. WILL cause a heated argument with a zealous Christian if you even dare question so much as a word in it Often thumped by devout followers and used as an excuse to preform radical, and absurd acts. It's meanings are misinterpreted, and skewed by the Bible thumpers that "study it".
Bible Thumper: HAVE YOU HEARD THE GOOD WORD ABOUT OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST WHO DIED FOR YOUR SINS? NO? IT STATES IT IN THE BIBLE, WHICH IF YOU DON'T READ AND ACCEPT AS THE WORD OF GOD YOU WILL GO TO HELL! BUT IT'S NOT TOO LATE FOR YOU TO BE SAVED! JUST COME TO OUR CHURCH AND----
Me: Kthanksbai *slams door*
Bible Thumper: BLAH BLAH BLAH RELIGIOUS QUOTE BLAH BLAH BLAH, TALK UNTIL I FEEL JUSTIFIED EVEN THOUGH THE DOOR WAS SHUT IN MY FACE. BLAH BLAH BLAH I DON'T QUESTION FUNDAMENTAL FLAWS OF RELIGION AND THE BIBLE. BLAH BLAH BLAH JOHN 3:16 BLAH BLAH BLAH I MOLEST CHILDREN.
by The One who Questions May 6, 2011
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