tank parenting

The opposite of Helicopter Parenting, where rather than hovering over and monitoring children closely, the parent remains in a stationary position, only turning their head when they hear crying or someone yelling "Mom" or "Dad" for a sustained period of time.

I'm more into Tank Parenting, where I just swivel my head and yell when my kid is demanding my attention

by jbassic July 25, 2018

Rat Queen Parenting

Dropping your child off at someone else's house to be watched while you go off and get your eyebrows waxed or someother such nonsense while simultaneously doing some rat-tastic bullshit like handing over the child with a known soiled diaper or dropping off the child for hours with no diapers, food, or other child essentials.

-Honey, what's that smell?
-Danielle dropped off her baby with a loaded diaper.
-Oh let me grab you a diaper and some wipes.
-There isn't any, I already checked.
-Ain't that some Rat Queen Parenting.

by Doug Avery December 18, 2008

parenting

Being a parent. (Children optional.) (I mean, seriously, if it were about children the term would mention children.) (But it's "parenting," which means it's all about me, the parent, and the child, if any, is merely an accessory, like my handbag or my iPhone.) (Only more expensive.)

My mother and father all but killed themselves raising my brothers and sisters and me. I'm so glad my generation invented parenting instead.

by ak4mc February 20, 2011

Mongrel Parenting

A common derivative of a delusional, self-proclaimed Tiger Parent who are more often poorly educated, low-class Asian parents suffering from low self-esteem, entitlement and narcissistic personality disorder who have no business breeding let alone raising a child, a product of their own Mongrel upbringing. Mongrel Parents believe that the best course of action to preparing a child for life would be emotional trauma, torturous physical and mental abuse by enacting corporal punishment for failing to live up to unrealistic expectations. Though Mongrel Parents may claim that such actions are necessary to secure a beneficial future for their children, such claims are indeed false, as they tend to use their child's achievements solely for bragging rights.

Jimmy: Hey, I heard that Chin is back at his therapist.
Joe: Yeah, he was raised with mongrel parenting. He's been in therapy since he could afford it.

by jackkanarchy99 November 3, 2019

Irrational Parenting

When parents support their children to spend an obscene number of hours memorizing the digits of irrational numbers like √2, π, and e, so that they can out-parrot others in a contest, and win some medals or prizes for their “irrational” feats of memory.

Based on recent newspaper reports, irrational parenting seems to be rising in Singapore, especially among immigrants from India and Burma—the perceived paranoia to make an entry into the Singapore Book of Records has never been so strong among the “human parrots.”

by Fasters November 22, 2022

odins a+ parenting

Odin being a shitty parent to both Loki and Thor

Odins a+ parenting is the reason Loki became a villan.

by I SHIP TOO MANY SHIPS April 28, 2019

Fart Parenting

Fart Parenting is a method of parenting focusing on attachment and comfort. Either the mother or father of a new born baby will fart near their infant's face, with particular care to ensure the baby smells the fart. Each human has distinct and unique 'signatures' in the molecules of their farts and it's believed that when a baby is repetitively exposed to these fart molecules, they will feel comfort and bond with their parent. Fart Parenting involves each parent farting as often as possible in the face of their new born baby for a period of up to a year. It's important to keep exposing the child to the fart molecules for a year to form that strong, rich bond. Fart Parenting is part of a new wave of parenting methods among crunchy mommies, and promoted by groups like, Mères Sans Vaccins (Mothers Without Vaccines). Fart Parenting was nominated for a Long Grass award for Parenting Trend of the Year in 2016, but it lost out to the Bird Feeding Method.

I Fart Parented my triplets; Earthmoon, Atticus, and Felix-Lexus. They all loved my Fart Parenting and remember it fondly because I continued it until their 7th birthday with their breast feeding. Fart parenting promotes a healthy immune system that negates any need for toxic vaccinations.

by grassysally October 27, 2016