Fondling Illini

2023-24 version of Fighting Illini men’s basketball team, seeded 3 in East Region

The Fondling Illini were up just two points with 14 minutes to play as nd my bracket was about to go bust — but in the time it took me to switch channels from CBS to the live stream they were up 19.

by Seldom Seen Smith March 21, 2024

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Get the Fondling Illinimug.

Illini Mud Twister

Get yourself a fine shyt from Red Lion. Assume a reclined position. The fine shyt must bounce on it crazy style. When ready and adequately loosened up, she must assume a fetal position while remaining on the schlong. Then you must spin her like a top while she chants I-L-L and you respond I-N-I.

Warning: Fecal material may be unleashed at this time.

Christina: "What did you get up to last night? You never came home?"
Lisa: "I went home with Danny and he treated me to an Illini Mud Twister. It was a WILD ride!"

by IlliniKoi April 12, 2025

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Get the Illini Mud Twistermug.

Illini Bronze Tablet

One must travel to the Japan garden in the Arboretum at UIUC with a sturdy fishing pole. Using some local worms, they must fish out one of the koi fish from the pond. Then, in one swift motion, they must both pry open the koi's mouth and shit inside of it. The fish must then be vigorously shaken like a 2 liter bottle of diet coke and chucked back into the pond.

Jimmy: "Hey, what did you do last night after leaving Legends?"
Jacob: "I drove my Honda fit to the Arboretum and hit a quick Illini Bronze Tablet."
Jimmy: "That's totaly radical dude!"

by IlliniKoi April 12, 2025

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