Fig Newton

A mediocre guy either in looks, personality, or both. And although he is average in every way, he thinks he is basically Ryan Reynolds.
While they may stay fig newtons forever it is possible for them to transform into something…like an Oreo…..or even a chocolate chip cookie.
While they are rare, fig newtons can also be female.

Examples: Jeff and Lester from the TV show Chuck
Dwight from the office.

Frollo from Hunchback of Norte Dame
Farquad from Shrek
Prince Charming from Shrek 2
Hans from Frozen
J’son (Starlord’s ‘Dad’) from Guardians of the Galaxy 2
Mr. Collins from Pride and Prejudice (honorable mention Mr. Wickham)

Yeah, we talked a bit. But, he was a bit of a fig Newton so I’m not interested.

Oh, nah! He a fig newton.

He got that fig newton haircut.

He talks like a fig newton.

He was the figgiest of newtons.

by notafignewton March 26, 2022

Fig Newtons

A term for marijuana.

Chris: Hey dude, you wanna eat some Fig Newtons later?
Zak: Sure!

by yellowfeather996 November 2, 2009

Fig Newton

Someone who has hippie tendencies and beliefs. Often referred to as, granola, tree hugger, earth warrior, or all natural

That stanky hoe is so fig newton, she needs a bath.

by lilkitty_0201 February 7, 2020

fig newton

a word often used to refer to black and mild cigars because they taste somewhat of the fig newton cookie

i wish this fig newton would never end

by extenze October 1, 2010

The Fig Newton

Dancing The Fig Newton or doing the Fig Newton refers to the "dance" one does when going through drug withdrawal, namely heroin, or oher opiates. The "dance" is usually done in a bed, with the covers tightly pulled over ones head, and usually includes leg kicking movements, rolling around in bed, and the constant sitting up and lying down again that comes with the uncomfortability of heroin withdrawal. The Fig Newton is traditionally danced in a pool of one's own sweat, and is usually accompanied by the traditional soundtrack of constant moaning, and occasional soft cries and/or whimpers.

I know I haven't seen you guys in a while, but I've been trying to quit this shit, and I spent the last 4 days doing the fig newton in my fucking room.

by Brian Press December 28, 2007

fig newton

A man that is considered soft or a sissy. "Fruit and Cake"

Look at that bitch made fig newton.

by Mattinho August 1, 2006

Fig newton

When an uncircumcised person fucks a girl in
the ass, then proceeds to take their dick out.
After doing this, they move the foreskin
foreward, and if there's poop inside, it
should resemble a fig newton.

James: yo bro I fucked this girl and when I
pulled out, there was poop in my foreskin.
John: damn bro she fig newtoned you!

by Kslatty February 7, 2023