Glorified business hooker, typically hired by a consulting whorehouse, which pimps out its consultants to clients, then proceed to fuck the consultants over until they're pleased (or until the consultants are dead), pay the whorehouse big bucks, leaving the consultant with little commission (including some hotel and airline points) and lasting trauma.
Hopeful college grad: What are some key qualities I need to have be a consultant?
Experienced consultant: Be able to handle long crippling fuckings and be okay with shortened lifespan
A: You're a consultant? What are some of the most exotic places you've traveled to for work?
B: I once traveled to bumblefuck Western Virginia for a year. The only view from my hotel was of a large mine or some sort of a blackhole where no light escaped.
Experienced consultant: Be able to handle long crippling fuckings and be okay with shortened lifespan
A: You're a consultant? What are some of the most exotic places you've traveled to for work?
B: I once traveled to bumblefuck Western Virginia for a year. The only view from my hotel was of a large mine or some sort of a blackhole where no light escaped.
by TPain Not Impressed June 22, 2014
Get the Consultant mug.The Donald: We're down in the polls, bring in the consultants of swing for Florida.
Advisor: I'm on it
The Donald: Remember, no Russians. NO COLUSION.
Advisor: I'm on it
The Donald: Remember, no Russians. NO COLUSION.
by RandyRhoads84 May 21, 2020
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A self-proclaimed expert that extorts inflated fees from a host company in return for vague and predominently incorrect business advice.
The successful consultant detaches from its host at the exact moment its parasitic qualities are discovered by upper management. Thus, the successful consultant's term of engagement will last from months to years, until a mildly attentive decision-maker realizes that their burning ray of hope is all talk. Note that some middle managers and all other employees of the host will immediately recognize the consultant as a pathogen.
In order to gain access to a viable host, the consultant preys upon upper managements' lack of job expertise and unrealisistic dreams of grandure. By using a string of buzz-words and metaphors that appear as incoherent babble to most humans, the consultant will usually succeed in gaining an assignment to fix a non-existant problem purportedly caused by the host's employees.
The successful consultant detaches from its host at the exact moment its parasitic qualities are discovered by upper management. Thus, the successful consultant's term of engagement will last from months to years, until a mildly attentive decision-maker realizes that their burning ray of hope is all talk. Note that some middle managers and all other employees of the host will immediately recognize the consultant as a pathogen.
In order to gain access to a viable host, the consultant preys upon upper managements' lack of job expertise and unrealisistic dreams of grandure. By using a string of buzz-words and metaphors that appear as incoherent babble to most humans, the consultant will usually succeed in gaining an assignment to fix a non-existant problem purportedly caused by the host's employees.
"The consultant said that, once he has some free band-width, he will interface with his vast array of important contacts, leverage some syergies, and bring us up to speed with the rest of the industry.....No, really, those were his exact words."
by Booger Snow August 2, 2008
Get the Consultant mug.Consuela: "Oh, no, doggie out! Afuera!"
Stewie: "This isn't Windex, but it's the store brand; it's just as good."
Consuela: "No, no... it leave a film."
Stewie: "I don't care about the film, just use it!"
Consuela: "No, no... I no can clean."
Stewie: "Ssshhhhhhhit."
Stewie: "This isn't Windex, but it's the store brand; it's just as good."
Consuela: "No, no... it leave a film."
Stewie: "I don't care about the film, just use it!"
Consuela: "No, no... I no can clean."
Stewie: "Ssshhhhhhhit."
by seastone130 March 17, 2010
Get the Consuela mug.A place where you go if you are desperate to lose time. A place where you go for experiencing red tape in its supreme form. A place where you go if you want to experience administration as it was handled in the 17th century or earlier.
by groovymanu May 14, 2015
Get the Italian consulate mug.World domination through the power of positive thinking and outlandish work ethic. Generating success through the "work hard, play hard" enviroment while caring and helping others reach a milestone in their career.
by John Blevins July 8, 2012
Get the Milestone Consulting mug.Independent contractors brought in by upper management under the auspices of "streamlining work flow", but in actuality to suggest what positions can be eliminated thus reducing headcount and overhead for purposes of downsizing.
In the movie "Office Space" the characters referred to as "The Bobs" are classic examples of chainsaw consultants. The main character avoids being fired through a combination of unexpected brutal honesty about his lack of passion for his position, and also engendering camaraderie with those sent to determine if his
job is really necessary.
job is really necessary.
by Cale Dempster December 18, 2008
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