wanking ears

'Wanking ears' is the expression for the vastly increased sensitivity of one's hearing while they are masturbating. This is a protection system so that no-one will walk in on you while masturbating, which could be an extremely embarrassing experience. Even the slightest footsteps out in the hallway will be picked up by your "wanking ears", and by the time this person comes into the room, should they decide to, you will have had time to close down the pornographic website/video you were watching, and zip up your jeans.

Similar to beer goggles, which is the effect of alcohol on sight, this is the effect of masturbation on auditory awareness.

<Pete> brb, wank
<Dave> isn't your mum in?
<Pete> it's ok, my wanking ears will protect me

by Strach May 16, 2006

Pentatonic Wanking

Overuse of the pentatonic scale in music . The definition of SHITTY GUITAR SOLOS

One by metallica is a good song, but the solo is just pentatonic wanking and fucking tapping

by Knibnobber February 10, 2015

Pan wanking

When cooking, you shake the pan backwards and forwards to stir or shake the contents without the use of a utensil.

Mostly done by chefs

"need a spoon?"
"no thanks, i'm happy pan wanking."

by Blue_devil February 28, 2009

Wanking Time

A period of time in a day, or over multiple days, designated specifically for premeditated wanking. Often used by, and possibly invented by the British. Is more sophisticated than random wanking because of a longer period of time for preperation and clean-up.

"Sorry but in less than an hour its wanking time, I just can't meet with you today"

by nubcake October 16, 2006

wanking face

The face one pulls while in the act of masterbating

Lol you should see martins wanking face, it looks like his seen a ghost and got a wheelbarrow up his ass

by mitch00uk March 31, 2015

wanking with dinosaurs

BBC TV show (yet unaired) about the masturbatory customs of Tyrannosaurus Sex, Orgasmosaurus Ferox and other Mezozoic critters.

Did you know that little Velociraptors got off by humping the leg of giant sauropods?
Did you know that Microraptor Zhaoianus had a feathered dork?
If you didn't, then watch Wanking With Dinosaurs!

by Hugh G Rection May 29, 2005

Wanking Simon

A variation of the "Peeping Tom", the "Wanking Simon" also falls into the wider subcategory of the "Peep-Wank". Like his cousin Tom, the Wanking Simon will be found peeping through chinks in the curtain or gaps in the timber Venetian blinds at unsuspecting victims who are in a state of undress. The Simon will be simultaneously getting his wank on, hence the name "Wanking Simon". Participants commonly engage in sweater-wearing, as it has been found that a tight knit weave is perfect for brushing over the beaded brow expected from such exertion.

"Why, look at that man over there! He's peeping through the gaps in the timber Venetian blinds of the neighbour's spa house! What is he doing?"

"He's wanking! And look! He's wearing a sweater!"

"By God, you're right! It's a Wanking Simon! Call the police!"

by Hauparu Bay December 17, 2011