Syphax the Venilicius

Syphax is an immortal slave dealer, with literal bones of steel, appears in Book 1 of the Cambridge Latin Book. He is very pro-business and carries his product with him everywhere. He moved to Pompeii from the New World in 73 A.D. He taught the natives all about slavery and taught them how to travel quickly in waterways using many people. In 79 A.D. after the great eruption of Mt. Vesuvius at Pompeii it was thought that he had perished. But Syphax had absorbed the body of a slave and escaped in a fiery chariot taking some time off with Elijah and God. Then in 460 A.D. decided to go to Europe and get into Politics. He saw that the Persian Government was very weak and decided that it needed to change. Once Syphax was able to give his infinite wisdom to the leader of the government they saw he was much more qualified than the current leaders. Syphax led the Persian Empire toward its peak until he got bored and moved to the Siberian forests. Syphax meditated on the state of the world, and how one could reach enlightenment in such an environment. He moved back into society in 1469. where he lived in Europe laughing at their primitiveness. There he found the Church of Shroomio, and finally reached inner peace. After this life was a breeze, that was until 1850, when a drunk homeless man found his one weakness. Midgets. Only a midget is able to disable Syphax. The homeless man forced 5 midgets to stab Syphax until he stopped moving, and buried him 10ft deep.

Person 1: “Syphax the venilicius is so hot I want to have sex with him <3”
Person 2: “Mngghhh!”
Person 3: “IM HARD!!!!”
Person 4: “Then we shall all have sex with Syphax the venilicius”
Syphax: “Yessss my children!”

by The Thongler May 30, 2023

Flag