Varnishing the Barn

A sexual euphemism for masturbation. Similar to flogging the dolphin, choking the chicken, etc.

My BAC was higher than .08 because I had been at home, varnishing the barn

by BigJustice April 16, 2009

varnished monkey

Someones who's really vain and makes an unecessary effort with their appearance e.g. a well oiled, beautifully bronzed sunbather at a tourist resort, or a cool kid with too much gel in their hair. The phrase was first used in german (lackierter Affe), and is a lovely description of that loathsome type of person.

Arnie: "Check out my beautifully oiled biceps"
Sally: "Wow! You're a real varnished monkey!"

by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006

Wood Varnish

A shiny cock and ball sack after receiving an exceptionally wet and slobbery blow job. Usually requires wipe up with doddle rag, sock or towel.

Roger's girlfriend gives the wettest, sloppiest head. It always leaves him dripping with Wood Varnish.

by Eaton Holgoode May 19, 2015

Toilet Varnish

A case of severe diarrhea which "varnishes" the toilet brown...also called "Toilet Paint".
Toilet Varnish is extremely difficult to clean if it is not flushed within a week.

after all those grapes i needed to go varnish the toilet...

i said to my sister: "I'm not cleaning your Toilet Varnish!"

by FNX September 11, 2005

Tonsil varnish

Pretty much a slang term for Alcohol. It generally refers to beer and the consumption of it,

After the match all of the blokes went back to the rooms for dinner and a chat which were Accompanied by a Tonsil varnish or two

by GeoffyGee December 9, 2008

Coffin varnish

Alcohol, especially moonshine

He gave me some of that homemade coffin varnish he drinks. I couldn’t. I had to spit it out into the sink.

by Dawn Chorus May 4, 2020

coffin varnish

Very strong coffee, especially coffee brewed with Dr. Pepper, caffeinated water, or yesterday's coffee instead of normal tap water. Features may include an oily sheen, a strong chemical aftertaste, some form of cheap alcohol mixed in, or a horrible sense of impending doom after consumption.

I drank coffin varnish to stay awake all through finals week, and now I'm afraid to fall asleep because the walls are breathing.

by rumpuskat July 30, 2009