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Stretch Armstrong 

Remember how Stretch Armstrong worked? Getting a Stretch Armstrong is when your lame ass gets totally crucified by your sister in Fantasy Football so bad that it feels like she pulled your arms out of the socket until the icky goo inside you oozed out.
Wow! Adam's sister really gave him a Stretch Armstrong this week...117 to 49! What a pickle smoocher!
Stretch Armstrong by Amherst CFB's September 11, 2006

Pop a Stretch Armstrong 

1. Your cock returns to its original shape after being stretched or twisted in a particularly nasty fashion.

2. You pull too hard and your dick rips apart.
1.

Person 1: Okay, honey, you can open your eyes now.
Person 2: Jesus, love, what've you done to it?!
Person 1: Relax. Pop a Stretch Armstrong; you'll be fine.

2.

Person 1: Where's Gin?
Person 2: Emergency room.
Person 1: WTF?
Person 2: Yeah, he popped a Stretch Armstrong.
Person 1: Jesus.
Person 2: Yeah.

stretch arm strong 

A great hardcore band that has its roots in both the Punk and metal.
stretch arm strong by ace November 6, 2003

Stretch Harmstrong Junior 

(SHSJ)- Typically a male with medium to long hair and a thin , patchy mustache. Goons to hentai and insta reels. LIVES on his computer. Will message first but begins growing distant after you message back.

He WILL ask why you like why you do, when you ask him to clarify he send back “why you like, why you do”. NEVER attempt to make a joke outside his “humor”.

His “humor” includes:

young children/infants get injured in various ways.
Women sitting on cake
Sexual jokes-especially to people younger than him

He spends his days scrolling Instagram, finding young women to DM. If said women continue to DM him outside his designated Instagram IM time.

Be warned, if you try to open up to him about on going harassment from men of whom are significantly older, he WILL tell you-
“You’re not being harassed, you’re just uncomfortable.”

HE IS DANGEROUS. DO NOT ENGAGE.

Theodore, come home the kids miss you.
There are currently ELEVEN Stretch Harmstrong Junior’s in the world. ZERO of which use shampoo :(. OnlY FOURTEEN can co-exist at a time. Abraham LINCOLN was a SHSJ, especially when he visited HAGERSTOWN.