Hagmaxxing
hagmaxxing (noun, slang, internet culture)
1. Hagmaxxing is a word describing elderly women getting done up, trying to look young but failing.
An elderly woman and showing signs of it such as thinner, drier, and less elastic skin with wrinkles, age spots as well as the dreaded jowls; a collection of loose skin and fat that gathers along the lower jawline due to aging, gravity, loss of collagen/elasticity, and bone resorption.
Layers of make-up is caked on creating a hideous visage & one might think she drew inspiration from battle pigs applying war paint.
All these things combined culminating in a failed attempt to turn back time. She is ultimately hagmaxxing.
Geriatric player 1: Damn did you see Bertha today? She dun look like she fell out the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. She dun caked on the makeup, she looks like a battle pig done up in war paint. Her jowls saggier than her tits. Ain't no way she's hiding being 80 plus, she's hagmaxxing.
Geriatric player 2: Ain't no way she's getting anymore action as a hagmaxxer.
2. Hagmaxxing (or hagmaxxer) is a phrase which refers to age-gap relationships, more specifically, a younger man dating a much older woman.
Guy 1: Is Ted really dating a 35 year old woman?
Guy 2: Yeah, he's totally hagmaxxing.
1. Hagmaxxing is a word describing elderly women getting done up, trying to look young but failing.
An elderly woman and showing signs of it such as thinner, drier, and less elastic skin with wrinkles, age spots as well as the dreaded jowls; a collection of loose skin and fat that gathers along the lower jawline due to aging, gravity, loss of collagen/elasticity, and bone resorption.
Layers of make-up is caked on creating a hideous visage & one might think she drew inspiration from battle pigs applying war paint.
All these things combined culminating in a failed attempt to turn back time. She is ultimately hagmaxxing.
Geriatric player 1: Damn did you see Bertha today? She dun look like she fell out the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. She dun caked on the makeup, she looks like a battle pig done up in war paint. Her jowls saggier than her tits. Ain't no way she's hiding being 80 plus, she's hagmaxxing.
Geriatric player 2: Ain't no way she's getting anymore action as a hagmaxxer.
2. Hagmaxxing (or hagmaxxer) is a phrase which refers to age-gap relationships, more specifically, a younger man dating a much older woman.
Guy 1: Is Ted really dating a 35 year old woman?
Guy 2: Yeah, he's totally hagmaxxing.
Geriatric player 1: Damn did you see Bertha today? She dun look like she fell out the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. She dun caked on the makeup, she looks like a battle pig done up in war paint. Her jowls saggier than her tits. Ain't no way she's hiding being 80 plus, she's hagmaxxing.
Geriatric player 2: Ain't no way she's getting anymore action as a hagmaxxer.
Geriatric player 2: Ain't no way she's getting anymore action as a hagmaxxer.
Hagmaxxing by PortmanteauPosse April 15, 2026
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