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Zebra Diagnosis

When someone hears obvious telltale signs of one things, and assumes it's something similar but off the wall. Origins from the show Scrubs
Guy 1: I had a Zebra Diagnosis the other day.
Guy 2: What happened?
Guy 1:I heard galloping and whinnying so I assumed it was a zebra.

Guy 1: Man, I don't feel so good.
Guy 2: What's wrong?
Guy 1: My nose is running and I'm tired, I bet I have swine flu!
Guy 2: Dude, whatever. That's a zebra diagnosis, you have a cold.
by Z0604 May 12, 2009
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Drexelian Diagnosis

When one interprets a history or fact about someone based only on their first appearance (I.E. their manner of walking, the clothes they wear, the way they move their hands).
Gore: "I'm ready to give my Drexelian Diagnosis. Do you see the way she's stumbling into the club? I can tell you right now, my friend, that this is not her first club visit of the night."

Gub: "Your Drexelian Diagnosis is always right on, Gore!"
by Rjay21 August 5, 2008
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mcdonald manager diagnosis

when you pass out in the bathroom of a mcdonald's bathroom, and the manager finds you on the floor shivering.
1. hello, sir. i am the manager at mcdonald's. you are dehydrated and are laying out cold on my bathroom floor.

2. hey, that's my dad. he passed out because he won't drink his ensure.

3. hey, you clowns. you're talking about me. i will not drink ensure because i hate fat people, and i don't want to get fat again!!!

4. if you're ill, please go to mcdonald's to get youself a top of the line mcdonald manager diagnosis.
by MCDONALD'S MANAGER December 6, 2012
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Self Diagnosis Doctors

People who diagnose conditions without actually having a degree. While some people are proficient at this, many are not.
Steve - "Man, my stomach is really cramped up."
Self Diagnosis Doctors - "You probably have aids."
by StevoPativo March 11, 2011
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Dr. James' Diagnosis

A "Dr. James' Diagnosis" is when someone - usually someone you know - tells you that they were diagnosed with either a crippling or lethal disease. They could state that they need to take illegal drugs in order to survive, or say they may dodge death if they are lucky. Sometimes both is stated. However, they are lying and unusually give no evidence why.
Of course, the "Dr. James' Diagnosis" is used to the benefit of the teller of a Dr. James' Diagnosis. Either for attention, or reason for doing illegal drugs without friends taking that into consideration.
The following is a conversation where James makes a Dr. James' Diagnosis:

James: "Sorry to say but I have lung cancer."
Richard: "Serious?"
James: "Yes, I'll need to smoke pot to survive."
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Self-Diagnosis

the process of diagnosing, or identifying, medical conditions in oneself. It may be assisted by medical dictionaries, books, resources on the Internet, past personal experiences, or recognizing symptoms or medical signs of a condition that a family member previously had.
Self-diagnosis is prone to error and may be potentially dangerous if inappropriate decisions are made on the basis of a misdiagnosis.Because of the risks, self-diagnosis is officially discouraged by governments.
by BrainonFire October 8, 2019
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Self Diagnosis Is Valid

A Tumblr tag used by idiots who think it's okay to pretend to have autism or that think they have autism because of TikTok. Same with DID, ADHD, Tourette's, and other disabilities/disorders. Bro? They're serious mental conditions. Disorders aren't xenogenders! And no, you don't know better than a doctor with a PHD. Get off Tumblr, touch grass, and get a life.
Emily, 13 year old self-diagnosed autism/DID haver and coiner of some new dissociative disorder or "system" trait: GRRR! I'm sick of these uneducated fools thinking that my self diagnosis isn't valid. DOCTORS HATE WOMEN AND BLACK PEOPLE!!!11!! DiAGNOSIS IS A PRIVILEGE!!!!! #SELF DIAGNOSIS IS VALID
Lucy, an actual autistic person: What the fuck are you on about? You do know that Autism doesn't just mean you're forgetful and DID isn't the hip trendy disorder that everyone wants, right? I deal with a lot of crap from idiots for my autism and it's extremely disrespectful that you-
Emily: ABELIST!!!!!! DNI RIGHT NOW!!!!! *blocked*
by Scratchykit December 26, 2023
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