I need a calculator

An office phrase roughly translated to "I need a bailout or rescue." Something awful is happening to the person who has given you this message, and it's your responsibility to bail them out. Situations in which this phrase is appropriate:

- An office camper has left the original intended topic for some light-hearted small talk about his child you hate
- An office camper with horrid breath has pinned you
- You're in a meeting that's so boring you will have to snort coke off a stripper's chesticles to balance your life back in the right direction

The message generally arrives in the form of text or instant message. When the situation is dire, email may be used. The appropriate response is generally to come up with technical nonsense to ask this person then either call or visit to bail them out.

Office Camper: "Enough about linux, did you know my child is an honor's student? She's taking all AP classes in the Spring. God we're so proud of her ... "
Jim (Victim) text messages Vince (Savior) "I need a calculator" to avoid nosy eyes understanding this dire message.
Office Camper: "She even taught some of the other children in the class how to use it! Can you believe that? Even the teacher was impressed"
Savior: "Hey Jim! Listen I need some help with linux..."
Office Camper: "Oh well I can see you're busy"

by Fatty Tatterson September 10, 2009

Calculator

Straight up Jonathan Cooper

You really got a 36 on your ACT? You're such a fucking calculator

by theurbanpoet69 April 25, 2020

Crush Calculator

You're having a laugh if you think I'm putting my mobile number into that, mate.

Laughing, I proceeded to fill in the Crush Calculator until asked for my mobile phone number. Panicked, I rushed headlong to my Cookies folder and deleted the contents therein forthwith.

by Pingoir January 2, 2009

Calculator

Malware dev's most admired system program to test whether their remote access trojan works

*plays multiplayer game* zOmG!! teh calculator have just opened by itself!11

🧐🤪🤪🤪

by ­­ June 18, 2021

Calculator

Cheating device for those to lazy to work out 2+2.

Idiot 1: Dude, what's 2+2?

Idiot 2: Dunno. Steal Jane's calculator.

by Tyler Christie February 18, 2009

calcutator

1.The mispelling of calculator that I wrote down once.

2.A calculator made of potatoes.

Jessica: What does that say?!
Jane: It says calculator!
Jessica: No it doesn't stupid! It says "calcutator"!
Jane: ......

by Imissmydog April 29, 2006

calculator

The reason why we don't need math, especially in high school, when you'd rather be snogging.

Tim: Math is @#$%?&*!!! I hate it! I want to snog!
Tim's dad: This is why there are calculators. Don't forget the rubber, son.

by AdrienneS June 21, 2006