cognitive impaction

Noun:

Any of a number of conditions characterized by the involuntary suspension of mental processes crucial to self-expression and/or higher reasoning.

Cases of cognitive impaction can frequently be identified by inarticulate attempts at discourse, extended guttural utterances, slack-jaws and bugged out eyes on the part of the afflicted. Treatments are highly specific to each variety of cognitive impaction and range from a slap "upside" the head to a deadline in the most severe cases.

Also see mental constipation.

"Overwhelmed at the prospect of having the bounty of an entire doughnut shop all to himself, Homer immediately suffered a massive cognitive impaction that reduced him to little more than a drooling mass of manflesh."

by Joshua B. Wright April 5, 2004

cognitive puberty

a time in one's life typically mid twenties or more specifically 24 going on 25 when one does not know who the hell they are or where the hell they are going. This may be exhibited through mood swings, fatigue, backaches, headaches, frequent urination, food cravings, and nausea.

I think I'm going through cognitive puberty, last night after a 10 hour work day, I volunteered at the humane society, mentored a kid, watched the news, went to happy hour, played beer pong, auditioned to be a dancer - got rejected and woke up in my parent's basement.

by Maria Garcia Perez Rodriquez January 25, 2011

Cognitive Darwinism

The conscious decision to choose the less favorable of two choices resulting in greater probability of a bad outcome.

Refusing to vaccinate to protect yourself is cognitive Darwinism at its finest.

by Pablo Tornado September 27, 2021

cognitive discharge

A more extreme form of verbal diarrhea, it is a pretentious and long-winded explanation of one's thoughts or understanding of a painfully boring topic; it is often mistaken for intellect but is really just stupid shit that people say in a failed attempt to seem smart.

cognitive discharger: "The Arc de Triomphe is my absolute dream representation of Napoleonic neoclassical architecture because of the grandness of its triumphal arch and the simplicity of its romantic neoclassic relief. Absolutely astounding!"
listener: "Oh, fuck off."

by heihej March 25, 2010

cognitive dissident

A person for whom exposure to cognitive dissonance has resulted in rational conclusions contrary to the 'official' narrative of history and/or culture. If this dissonance becomes great enough, the person will be compelled to start producing new cognitive dissonance, becoming a cognitive dissident.

An activist who disseminates information aimed at changing peoples opinions regarding an immoral status-quo could be regarded as a cognitive dissident

by grimeandreason July 8, 2010

cognitive surplus

A word coined by former Silicon Alley Reporter columnist Clay Shirky to describe the free time that people have on their hands to engage in collaborative activities, specially as applies to web 2.0.

Wikipedia is an example of wide-scale deployment of cognitive surplus.

"You know where the time comes from. It comes from the cognitive surplus that you've been masking for 50 years".

by Arunabh Das Two May 25, 2008

Cognitive Burden

Dealing with people that are just plain stupid and no amount of explaination, education or training will ever help them.

Dealing with my co-workers is such a cognitive burden.

I hate working in customer service. It’s a real cognitive burden.

by Eaton Holgoode November 27, 2018