Skip to main content

Jesus Shit the Bed Christ 

A term used to address an event of either unbelievable, hilarious or ridiculous measure. These 5 words should only be used to address the occurence when it is of huge magnitude.

(Note - heavily accenting the 'Ch' in Christ always adds great emphasis upon deliverance of the phrase.)

First began to circulate in Essex, after a truly remarkable display of football acrobatics during a friendly game of 6-a-side, the phrase has now picked up a few more scenarios to be used in.
1) 'Jesus Shit the Bed Christ! Did you just see that fucking goal?!'

2? 'Jesus Shit the Bed Christ, that truly was the fucking funniest thing I've ever seen.'

3) 'Jesus Shit the Bed Christ, did you just see that bitch spit a Melon out of her arse?!'

Jesus Hand 

When you have a sore in the middle of your hand. Either from a blister or a cut, in place where jesus got nailed to the cross.
'man all this screwing has given me a jesus hand'.
Jesus Hand by thebubbler June 12, 2011

Jesus freak 

This is a phrase which i believe should be explained in this song, which was written by dcTalk and is from the album "Jesus Freak" that sold platinum in 1995:

Separated, I cut myself clean
From a past that comes back in my darkest of dreams
Been apprehended by a spiritual force
And a grace that replaced all the me I've divorced

I saw a man with tat on his big fat belly
It wiggled around like marmalade jelly
It took me a while to catch what it said
Cause I had to match the rhythm
Of his belly with my head
'Jesus Saves' is what it raved in a typical tattoo green
He stood on a box in the middle of the city
And claimed he had a dream


(chorus)
What will people think
When they hear that I'm a Jesus freak
What will people do when they find that it's true
I don't really care if they label me a Jesus freak
There ain't no disguising the truth

Kamikaze, my death is gain
I've been marked by my Maker
A peculiar display
The high and lofty, they see me as weak
Cause I won't live and die for the power they seek

There was a man from the desert with naps in his head
The sand that he walked was also his bed
The words that he spoke made the people assume
There wasn't too much left in the upper room
With skins on his back and hair on his face
They thought he was strange by the locusts he ate
The Pharisees tripped when they heard him speak
Until the king took the head of this Jesus freak

(repeat chorus 2x)

People say I'm strange, does it make me a stranger
That my best friend was born in a manger
People say I'm strange, does it make me a stranger
That my best friend was born in a manger

(repeat chorus 2x)

What will people think
(What will people think)
What will people do
(What will people do)
I don't really care
(What else can I say)
There ain't no disguising the truth
(Jesus is the way)
Yeah, i'm 16, a Christian and i'm not scared of being treated like crap because of my faith. Oh, and i'm not American or fundamentalist.
Jesus freak by Christian dude January 5, 2005

jesus jumping fucking christ 

Said When Your Either Irritated and Pissed Off, Confused, Are Your About To Bite The Fucking Big One.
Irritated and Pissed Off
Jesus Jumping Fucking Christ If You Say 1 More Word During This Damn Movie I'll Carve Out Your Eyes And Skullfuck You
Confused
Jesus Jumping Fucking Christ Where The Fuck Is The Remote
About To Bite The Fucking Big One
Jesus Jumping Fucking Christ That 18 Wheeler's On The Wrong Side Of Th..................

jesus on wheels 

1.) used to express the extreme awesomeness, coolness, or kickassery or an object.

2.) can also be used sarcasticly to exemplify the gayiety or lack of awesomeness, coolness, or kickassery.
1.) "Holy shit, that's jesus on wheels." "Drury is jesus on wheels."

2.) "look at that douchebag walking around like he's jesus on wheels."
jesus on wheels by Day June 16, 2007

jesus slut 

A girl who is incredibly religious and claims to be pure and holy, but also loves a huge helping of (usually black) dick.
"Did you hear about Stacy? Apparently after church she got rammed by three black dudes behind Wal-Mart. What a jesus slut."
jesus slut by superdupernova September 12, 2013