Sex jesus

Some dude that has sex with a lot of women and impregnated all of them then leaves them with the gift of a fatherless child. He also does birthday parties.

“Hey have you heard of the sex jesus?”
“Yea I have that’s my dad.”
“I heard he’s the dad of 1/23 of the planet”

by Havesafesex April 14, 2022

Lube Jesus

Lube Jesus is a god said to have an biliary to transform water to lube, his ability allows him to burst into your house with lube and fuck the shit out of you

Maaan Michael really just lost his virginity to Lube Jesus

by Cloud buyyy April 15, 2021

speeding-Jesus

A car passing you while you are speeding. This car will most likely get stopped by the police instead of you. Thus, they sacrifice themselves for your speeding sins.

Thank you speeding-Jesus; I can keep driving fast now, as long as you are in front of me. Speeding-Jesus take wheel.

by heathcat June 15, 2019

Jesus queef

The holy queef. The expulsion of holy water from jesus’ pussy.

Oh my that was quite the holy queef. One could say its a jesus queef.

by TheRealModernDayShakespeare281 March 30, 2022

Tacky Jesus

When people, generally of African American descent randomly throw the word "Jesus", "Lord Almighty", or any other variation into a sentence where it doesn't quite belong.

"Hi Martha, how was your day?"
"I left the house without my shoes on Jesus, and didn't get to eat breakfast".
"Mannnn, why you got to be one of those tacky Jesus people?"

by Itsmanda January 24, 2013

jesus cut

Serving yourself a torn apart piece is bread from a larger serving. Much like Jesus would have cut the bread at the last serving, just tear what you want.

I took a jesus cut from th loaf of bread our server brought to our table, forget knives.

by the timio March 17, 2015

smoke Jesus

A joint rolled with a piece of paper from the Bible and the filter is a thicker piece of paper also from the Bible.

Or a joint or two that have the form of a cross.

Don’t just smoke weed smoke JESUS

by Jxhnny_Gxddamn August 6, 2019