jerk-off artist

1. Someone who is incompetent, completely unreliable, and so full of excuses that they should just masturbate for the rest of their pathetic lives.

3. A jack of all trades if all trades were different forms of masturbation

2. Someone who fails at their own life, and also succeeds to suck a little life out of everyone else on their way to nowhere.

1. Someone who indecisively sits on their ass while opportunities come and go until they are finally left with nothing.

What the fuck is your problem man? We can't count on you for shit anymore you fucking jerk-off artist

by RevelationToRevolution January 10, 2008

Jerk-Off Hands

When a male enters the room with obvious sented hand lotion following him around. You know he has just jerked off because men dont care about soft skin. Avoid hand shakes, high fives and games of red rover for at least 2 to 4 hours.

Bill: What smells like cucumber mellon?

Ted: I think Tim just rubbed one out.

Bill: Jerk-Off Hands

Tim: Anyone want a skittle? (extends palm full of delicious skittles)

by PACHYCEPHALOSAURUS November 21, 2010

Jerking off stalefish

without lubrication, just raw.

I was jerking off stalefish and my dick got raw.

by Fredwasright October 10, 2005

russian jerk off

When you get your penis suck in the barrel of a 12 gauge shotgun and pull the trigger

"dude i was im the hospital because i tried the russian jerk off."

by brokenhalo2202 January 5, 2018

jerk off stalefish

This is the action of jerking off, then jerking off right after that.

Joe: Where is Chris going?
Paul: He's probably going to jerk off stalefish.

by Mikedakwik February 28, 2008

jerking off a blind guy

The phrase from the YouTuber and Twitch streamer Teo, no one's exactly sure what it means, but it's used to make a strange situation even stranger.

What the hell is going on, I feel like I'm jerking off a blind guy over here!

by Sigma5213 July 26, 2017

Jerking off with both hands

An expression for over-doing something, doing more work than is necessary to complete a task, or the general idea of using an ass-backwards method to achieve a relatively simple goal.

Yeah, well he's always jerking off with both hands.

by maxflight June 19, 2010