It pains me to utter it because the FBI will probably investigate me for it, but the C word refers to "
Christmas." Originally derived from the Roman Saturnalia (observed on the winter solstice) and still viewed by some as a pagan holiday, in 2005 it was made illegal to say this word when preceded by the word "merry." Also, according to federal law, if anyone now directs the dread term "Merry
Christmas!" towards a non-Christian, the mandatory minimum punishment is 20 lumps of coal for
Christmas, as well as castration (it is a sort of forced New Year's resolution that you will give up your sexuality, male or female). In accordance with the law, in 2005 President George W. Bush sent out "
Christmas" cards which simply read "Happy Holidays!" This is now the official legal term for the
time of year between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day. Acceptable alternatives are "Merry Festivus!," "Yo bitch, hava bomb ass Kwanza!," and "Happy Boxing Day!" (None of the three deal with religion, so they are legally acceptable now).
Christian Dude: "Have a very Merry
Christmas!"
Baha'i Chick: "Oh my
God, I can't believe you just said the C word to me! Isn't it obvious that I'm Baha'i? At least you could have said 'yo bitch, hava bomb ass Kwanza' or 'happy holidays.' Jeez, this is like ten times worse than the
time you called me a cunt! I'm gonna have to call the cops on you now, you know."
Christian Dude: "No, please, I didn't mean it! I don't want to be forced to make a New Year's resolution to lose my manhood!"
Baha'i Chick: "
Oh grow up, no one keeps their New Year's resolutions anyway. Besides, you're Asian, so the new year doesn't come for
like another month for you."
