Gabriel Jesus

The best average player to grace a football pitch. HIs touch on the ball is mediocre but he can still steal the ball...and your girlfriend. FUCK YOU HES THE BEST

Ugly girl: WHo even is Gabriel Jesus?
Hot Girl: THE BEST PLAYER IN THE FUCCKING WORLD

by Lightskin Lovely April 5, 2022

Sleazy Jesus

An deliciously strong alcoholic beverage meant to be chugged.

It consists of half Natural Light and half Sangria, and is finished off with a shot of vodka. After mixing the ingredients in a red solo cup, the drink is meant to be consumed extremely fast for the best end result. Sangria is used to represent the blood of jesus and the beer/vodka to make you sleazy.

The drink received its name from the sleazy jesus scene in the recent musical "Reefer Madness."

Holy Jeez, that Sleazy Jesus was damn good.

Another round!

by Otard June 27, 2008

Apple Jesus

When your iphone or MacBook dies, they go up in the Cloud to Apple Jesus.

When an Apple product is sick and you need just long enough to let your contract run out or get them backed up, you pray that they don't go see Apple Jesus yet.

Apple Jesus lives where the Cloud is.

I still owe $200 on my iphone 6, so it can't go see Apple Jesus yet!

I lost my iphone today. I am praying to Apple Jesus that my photos I took last night are really up in the cloud.

by Ms Busta Rhyme June 16, 2017

Jesus's Knees

The holiest and most sexy knees you will ever see. They are powerful enough to kill half the universe if Jesus touches them together.

Person: "Oh my god, have you seen Jesus's Knees?"
Other Person: "No...?"
Jesus: "Hey look at my Knees!"
Both People: *Faints

by Supreme Comrade Stalin November 9, 2018

Jesus on a stick

a weird food they sell at the Korean Presbyterian church down the street

Dude have you had the Jesus on a stick?
yeah man it tastes pretty good

by theczechspam May 9, 2018

Rappin' for Jesus

A popular song made by Pastor Jim Colerick and Mary Sue Colerick who most likely fucks the people in his church but Well I wrote this song for the Christian youth
I wanna teach kids the Christian truth
If you wanna reach those kids on the street
Then you gotta do a rap to a hip-hop beat
I gave my sermon an urban kick
My rhymes are fly, my beats are sick
My crew is big and it keeps getting bigger
That's cause Jesus Christ is my nigga
Oooooooo
He's a life-changer, miracle-arranger
Born to the virgin mom in a manger
Water to wine, he's a drink exchanger
And he died for your sins
I preach the word, that's my gig
And I rhyme better than Notorious BIG
Other emcees, I wish them well
But if you live in sin, you burn in hell
Now I'ma pass the mic to my lovely wife
She's a fly emcee and the light of my life
So to bust a rhyme without further ado
Take it away, Mary Sue!
Jesus Christ is my nigga

I am officially a Rappin' for Jesus Christian

by Go ring the durbell September 30, 2020

Jesus Cockblock

When a guy can't go any further with his girlfriend because he is too pious with his religious beliefs.

synonyms: cockblock, Jesus, religion
antonyms: sex. running the bases

Guy 1: "Man, Landon can't get any action from his girl."
Guy 2: "Why not?"
Guy 1 "He's got that Jesus cockblock

by rocky2012 December 26, 2011