The Redneck Jesus

The man known here on earth as Dale Earnhardt. Dale Earnhardt is the Light and the Way. He died so that your drinking of imported beer would be forgiven. He suffered, died, and most of the pieces they found were buried. He has risen again, as Danica Patrick, and will come again from Formula One to judge NASCAR and its fans.

He is seated at the right hand of the Father (Elvis), and his Kingdom will have no end. Amen, y'all.

"The Redneck Jesus, Dale Earnhardt, died for your sins."

"Thou shalt not turn right."

by Anferny Tyrone Jackson August 29, 2006

jesus time

1: To kick ass in the name of the lord
2: A battle cry to announce you're going to kill someone, which will cause them to some how be introduced to Jesus.

Guy: It's Jesus time!
Guy2: Oh shit.

OR

Guy: It's time for Jesus!
Guy2: OH SHI--

by Solocidal January 30, 2008

Jesus Strap

The handle in the car/suv/vehicle near or around the doors. Grabbed when taking a fast corner or a fast stop.

It was only when we started driving, that I noticed, the car has no Jesus Straps. "We're screwed" I thought.

by Psuedo-San August 19, 2008

Jesus Christ in a box

An exclamation you say when someone you depended on totally screws something up or you're faced with something that obviously just f*cked up your plans.

My sister to her husband-

"Jesus Christ in a Box, Michael! I said get the Playtex Supers in cardboard Tampons!... grrr Damnit!..."

by Kizzle: The Konqueror March 4, 2009

Jesus Beats

Jesus beats is a term used when music relative to the gospel of Jesus Christ is being played

Lecrae: I'm bumpin dees Jesus Beats whenever they seein me.
People lookin all confused, cuz every one of my tunes is screamin Jesus peeps

Anyone playing Christian music = Jesus Beats

by Audaciamusic June 13, 2011

jesus bravo

A young man with enough will power to achieve anything but too lazy to really try. Handsome, above-average penis size, and a beast in the sheets. If you're looking for good sex look for a Jesus Bravo. Athlete type of guy who is a hard worker and also funny and serious at the same time. Overall, an amazing character that anyone can hang around with.

Damn, Jesus Bravo really made me laugh today.

by bravobeantacos November 3, 2013

Lord Jesus Perm

A Straightening Perm that causes the ends of the hair follicles to gracefully swoop upward in a heavenly manner, similiar to the hairstyle depicted in pictures of "White Jesus".

1. "I'm bald headed but i used to have a Lord Jesus Perm" - E-40

by NorthernCalifoolya1988 September 3, 2010