A hand job given apathetically and out of pity. During the hand job things are often said such as "are you almost there?" and it's not uncommon to make a phone call, smoke a cigarette, or text a friend during the encounter.
by WetBottom November 15, 2011
When you travel from Tolono to Hessel Park just to rub one out to the kids playing on the splash pad.
Hey, did you see the school board president giving himself the Hessel Handi the other day.
God work sucked today I could really go for a Hessel Handi.
God work sucked today I could really go for a Hessel Handi.
by Tolonoman July 24, 2022
When you hook up with a smokin’ hot chick but you get home and find out she’s offer more than a lady and packing some serious heat (trap) But rather than bolting like a transphobic with a raging hard on sure to garner the blue balls, you settle for a vigorous old fashioned from her before grabbing an Uber and forgetting the whole thing ever happened.
I closed the bar down last night. Took home a smokin babe that was alone all night. But wound up handy trapped.
by Dick Onchin November 23, 2020
Last night Matt was so drunk and unconcious that I used his hand to give me a Handy Randy; I came on his face for added effect.
by BertMcMatterton November 24, 2010
It is German for "my phone/mobile/cellphone", and is use infamously by Stephen Fry in an episode of QI, whereby he groped himself while stating "MEIN HANDY!" in a Germanic accent.
by Em Ken January 11, 2009
The act of ones mate giving them a hand job, but right before ejaculation, turns it right back at the ejaculator
by The smarbist February 12, 2012
by Matt_28 October 26, 2006