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Masturbating

Grandpa: *leaves room*

You: *Starts jerking off and Masturbating*
by The master of masturbating November 16, 2020
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Chronic Masturbation

When you are a socially inep involuntarily celibate due to poor dating and social skills, and sees porn every day and leaving cum stains everywhere in your house nonstop, as a way to cope with loneliness. Never goes out, doesn't exercise nor does improve social skills, and yet this special type of breeds can usually be found moderating around Discord, Tumblr, and Reddit as power-hungry mods or working remotely in a part-time job as a twitter moderator.
Jerry never finds a way to prevent chronic masturbation. He clearly didn't recover after getting rejected by Stacy for not being himself a Chad, as he believes.
by TheKamikazeMonkeys February 27, 2023
mugGet the Chronic Masturbationmug.

masturbated

fucking yourself
i masturbated yesterday and I came so much
by cummer5000 May 22, 2023
mugGet the masturbatedmug.

Audible Masturbation

Talking just to please yourself.
Twitter is a great place to see audible masturbation at work, Or a trump speech.
by Z_PW January 14, 2021
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To Masturbate

An attempt to pointlessly satisfy an irrational urge in the short term.

(where in the long term on further reflection you realise it to be truly unsatisfactory)
"Sometimes I try to masturbate a really long or difficult word into a sentence just to feel I'm smarter than I actually am!"
by anonymous January 14, 2021
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whiteboard masturbation

A term sometimes used in certain software engineering circles to refer to the excessive use of things like object-oriented programming, specifically its principle of abstraction, to create highly abstract, polymorphic, incomprehensible and unnecessarily complex systems within software instead of keeping things simple.

This is usually practiced by "engineers" who value the "design" of software more than actually delivering value
to the software's users and/or believe that writing software is akin to designing a car or a building. Buildings, for example, cannot easily be torn down again if some part was constructed incorrectly or contains an error, whereas most software can.

While some may argue that it's prudent to keep one's code "clean" or "extendible" and whatnot, excessive abstraction can have the exact opposite effect: You get an unnecessarily complex mess that is extremely hard to untangle once you actually discover a use case which it didn't account for. The result is a "building" that cannot easily be rebuilt - said whiteboard masturbators will then argue, that "it should've just been designed better in the first place" and that the "model wasn't good enough" and will continue to draw UML diagrams that are of no use apart from impressing the sales department.
"Maybe we should use a visitor pattern to separate this strategy from the concrete adapter that is instantiated by our abstract factory so we can guarantee arbitrary observability throughout our proxied chain of responsibility."
"... listen, at this point it's just whiteboard masturbation. Just keep it simple and write a function."
by Aequitosh February 28, 2024
mugGet the whiteboard masturbationmug.

masturbate

i assume you guys are here to get horny, so here!
sarah was home alone and extremely horny. she turned off her bedroom light and took her pants off. she was so excited to masturbate that she leaped in bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. she started to touch her breasts and her nipples got hard. she reached over on her nightstand and grabbed her laptop. in the search bar she typed "pornhub." once she got on the porn, she clicked threesome. sarah felt very aroused by the threesome on the screen that she started touching herself. she imagined that her crush, jacob was the one touching her. she slowly crept her finger into her hole and started aggressively rubbing in and out. she suddenly squirted everywhere, but kept touching herself. later that night, jacob came over and asked her to have sex. she agreed and she had another orgasm.
by you'rewelcome69storymaker March 31, 2023
mugGet the masturbatemug.

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