jared

A male of the mentally challenged variety who enjoys showing up thirty minutes late to everything, crying while masturbating, killing homeless people because he is protected under the Second Class Citizen Law, and trying to bone highschool girls.

Jordan: Hey, i thought your friend was going to be here by now.
Jay: Yeah, it’s Jared so he’ll be 30 minutes late as usual.

by wewuzanonymous October 04, 2018

Jared

An oustanding everything. He can literally do what ever he wants when he wants.

That guy is so cool. He must be a jared

by Kid in the box January 29, 2015

Jared

A person you can count on to bring Alize to a party.

Do we have any Alize? No, but Jared should be here soon.

by fastwalker June 09, 2011

Jared

Jared Fogel, of Subway diet fame, lost 245 lbs in one year eating Subway fare. Lots of rumors about AIDS, coke, bypass surgery, but he apparently did it honestly.

Fat Bastard, to Austin Powers: "I went on the Subway diet, like Jared and lost 180 pounds. Unfortunately, now my neck looks like a vagina."

by Dr. Dutch Evil March 21, 2006

Jared

A good name that his been ruined by that pedophile from subway.

Girl: What's your name?
Guy: Jared.
Girl: Oh, like that pedo from subway?

by Super Nigger Faggot September 23, 2018

Jare

A kick or punch to the genitals.

More specifically, this is the alternative to a dare in the game Truth or Dare. If one takes the dare and decides after having heard the dare that they don't want to do it, that person must then accept the Jare.

Also referred to as "Dick Kick" or "Poon Punch."

Billy: I dare you to lick the rim of the toilet bowl.

Timmy: Hell no! I'm not doing that, it's disgusting!

Billy: THEN PREPARE TO BE JARE'D!

by atomicrebirth August 21, 2008

Jared

One who humps legs until the point of ejaculation

"My boyfriend pulled a Jared last night; needless to say he got my sheets all wet and I still got nothing out of it."

by Gerch December 04, 2007