Naval Tortoise

A person who loves water...to the point where some people say it is obsessive. They cannot stay away from water long and typically hate on those who disrespect H2O. People often call them insane but they often beat them in water-related sports. It is believed that after a certain point they will grow fins and gills, though it is said to be theoretically impossible. It is believed they may be the future of man's aquatic evolution. Great prowess, ESP. on a water bed!

Mcgee: You see that naval tortoise
Rackman: Yeah he grew his fins last night and stole my girl this morning.

by DJ Craze October 23, 2013

Whiskey Tortoise

Flaccid, impotent male genitals that result from consuming too much alcohol (esp. whiskey or bourbon).

"He got so drunk and later, in bed, he had a total whiskey tortoise. I lied and told him that it was fine and that all that mattered was being close to him."

by Tortoisemaster August 26, 2013

Tortoiseitis

Slower than fuck. A very slow person.

It takes that bitch forever to put her makeup on she has tortoiseitis.

by Mike Hawksbigger January 31, 2023

tortoise tickler

When being anally fingered so deep that the finger reaches fecal matter.

We were in a gay tussle when he used the tortoise tickler, and then he had to stop to wash his hands.

by Myspeakingpseudonym July 4, 2015

stroke the tortoise

Refers to masturbating an uncircumcised penis.

Hey, I was with Kenneth last Friday and he asked his girlfriend if she wanted to stroke the tortoise; in front of everyone.

by deepthong November 22, 2022

joyful tortoise

nickname for Jeb Bush

The joyful tortoise lives in the state of Florida where adultery is the lowest per capita and it may be why it has the most cities that have Saint in their name.

by Coop Dupe January 13, 2020

Clapped tortoise

When someone is so clapped that they look worse than a tortoise

Abbie is a clapped tortoise

by Sandleradam20 June 15, 2021