Tortoise

Rocks with heads and devilishly smart minds that will one day outsmart humans and superbots and destroy the world

My former pet tortoise just hacked into my computer and is training an army

by CallingAllTortoises March 20, 2019

Tortoise

An armored reptile, usually equipped with missile launchers which they hide under their shell. Highly underestimated, tortoises hide underground in small clumps, training for the day they unite and take over the world. They infiltrate human bases by appearing cute and posing as pets.

Not to be mistaken for turtles.

Fear me. And fear the tortoise.

by I💗Hypixel May 18, 2016

Tortoise

An older man who likes to date younger women.

Old Marvin is a Tortoise who his new 20 year old girlfriend. Mmmmmhhhhmm

by djdannyd June 4, 2015

Tortoise

Tortoise Another name for a ford Taurus. because if there slowness

That taurus is so slow its like a tortoise

by CGK May 12, 2009

Tortoise

Tourtoise new title for a pedophile

Tortoise is the new word for pedophile. Because they always beat the hair!

by tinyhole August 21, 2012

Tortoise

whilst having sex. you slide in really slow and get there (ejaculate) before the Hair(hare).

"my girfriend wanted so much foreplay, that I totally went Tortoise on her."

by cyantific August 11, 2008

Tortoise

Band that can play pretty damn good, but sucks too much to put in any vocals.

I downloaded the new Tortoise album 3 weeks before it came out.

by Clayborne Harris March 31, 2004