Tortoise

Rocks with heads and devilishly smart minds that will one day outsmart humans and superbots and destroy the world

My former pet tortoise just hacked into my computer and is training an army

by CallingAllTortoises March 20, 2019

Tortoise

An armored reptile, usually equipped with missile launchers which they hide under their shell. Highly underestimated, tortoises hide underground in small clumps, training for the day they unite and take over the world. They infiltrate human bases by appearing cute and posing as pets.

Not to be mistaken for turtles.

Fear me. And fear the tortoise.

by I💗Hypixel May 18, 2016

tortoise

Noun (ancient Roman military term): a battle tactic in which a squad of soldiers close ranks into a tight square and link their shields over their heads and at their sides all around, creating a nearly impenetrable formation which can advance and engage enemy positions at close range without taking heavy casualties.

During the battle at the Moon Gate in Alexandria, Caesar ordered the deployment of the tortoise formation to neutralize the enemy ballistas.

by speedog July 27, 2010

tortoise

when one ejaculates on another's back and sticks a pillow to it.

"Forget getting Supermanned, that bitch got Tortoised!!"

by lpLPlp April 5, 2010

Tortoise

An older man who likes to date younger women.

Old Marvin is a Tortoise who his new 20 year old girlfriend. Mmmmmhhhhmm

by djdannyd June 5, 2015

Tortoise

Tortoise Another name for a ford Taurus. because if there slowness

That taurus is so slow its like a tortoise

by CGK May 12, 2009

tortoise

sonmeone who always comes late

"im waiting for moe but he is gonna take a year because hes a tortoise"

by italianpimpsta September 25, 2002