Post Turtle

A turtle balanced on top of a fence post

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 70-year-old Texas rancher (whose hand had caught in a gate while working cattle), a doctor and the old man were talking about George W. Bush being in the White House.

The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'post turtle'."

Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.

The old man said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor stupid guy get down."

by Pinko_Commie May 6, 2004

turtle's head dick

Extremely small penis caused by excessive fat in the pubic/groin area. Penis can shrink back into the scrotum and totally disappear, like a turtle's head.

Since I've put on all this weight I've developed a turtle's head dick! Every time I look down at it the head sucks back into my scotum. Poof! Out of sight!

by talk2me-JCH2 February 24, 2021

turtle syndrome

turtle syndrome occurs when men experience cold temperatures and their testicles and shaft shrink and move close to the groin, resembling a turtle retreating into its shell.

this water is so cold, i've got big time turtle syndrome.

by ross turner December 6, 2007

turtle wax

A term used to describe someone who waxes, or appears to wax, their pubic hair.

It's as smooth as a tortoise's shell down there - I just got me a turtle wax!

by Jazzual December 18, 2012

get turtle

attempting to secretly grab, nudge, or poke a man's penis while he is not looking. This is typically done as sexual flirting or provocation, and is not to be confused with a "dick check" that frat brothers typically distribute as a joke to inflict pain.

While we were at the Pride Parade, this guy came up and rubbed Eddie's leg. He was totally trying to get turtle.

by Padge1982 September 7, 2010

Gossip Turtle

Someone who does not participate in, promote or generally engage in office gossip.

"John did not know that Jack and Rachel were having an affair? He is such a gossip turtle."

by Morty Nickels July 24, 2012

turtle wax

The act of ejaculating in someone's helmet while it is left unattended, then getting them to place it on their head. A practical joke particular to the military.

Joe left his helmet in the truck so I rubbed one out in it then he put it on, it was the perfect turtle wax.

by Aco FIST October 22, 2013