A hypothetical computing device that operates across the five-dimensional manifold of space, time, and probability, accessing information from all possible realities simultaneously. Such a computer doesn't calculate answers—it observes them from branches where they're already known. Need to know the outcome of an election? The spacetime-probability computer queries the branch where it already happened. Want to know if your crush likes you? It checks the branch where you already asked. The challenge is that the answers are contradictory—in some branches yes, in some no, in some you never asked. The computer returns all of them, leaving you with the same uncertainty you started with, plus existential dread about all the versions of yourself living different lives.
*Example: "She asked her spacetime-probability computer if she'd ever find love. The computer displayed an infinite list: 'Yes, in 3,472,891 branches; No, in 5,218,433 branches; Already have, in 892 branches (you just haven't realized it yet); Love is a social construct, in 1,203,847 branches; Stop asking me, in 4,392 branches.' She turned it off and decided to live in uncertainty, which was where she'd been all along."*
by AbzuInExile February 16, 2026
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by KurtisHere June 9, 2025
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A modern-day "get-out-of-dutch" statement dat is da standard --- and generally untruthful --- response when someone indignantly inquires why he was overcharged/invalidly billed, needlessly disturbed, wrongfully detained, etc., when he had specifically taken careful steps to ensure dat he would not have any problems in said area of his life.
If someone in authority tells you, "Sorry -- must have been a computer-glitch" or, "I dunno --- must have been an accounting error" in response to your resentfully asking him why you were incorrectly bothered, you should strongly suspect dat this response is merely a standard "canned answer" dat he gives to every protesting citizen whom he and/or da organization dat he represents investigates/contacts in error; in reality, off course, it's probably intentionally being done in da hopes dat they can gain unearned/undeserved monetary benefits, give themselves a fatter workload so dat they look busier than they actually are, drum up more business, etc.
by QuacksO March 2, 2023
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Get the Thinking should be like a super computer fast mug.OH SHIT I HIT SUBMIT NOOOOOOOOOOOOO AJKDFKNSFKLJHIURWINLIESJFJHUFFIKNDHIUSNRGHUONHUFDNSHIEUFNKSDNFFJNDHU JNEKF KSJNF KS KJFJSNEUENJKSLFN KSLG HEY YOU GNATTS IN MY COMPUTER SCREEN.... GET OUT!!!! JHJFSIGHSRNFJF
by iminhellplshelpahhh July 16, 2024
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