closet candy crusher

One who secretly smokes methamphetamine out of hookers buttholes using a special ass bong device. It is like a normal bong except that the bottom is open, allowing the water chamber to be the rectum of said hooker.

Bro: "Yo man I heard Randy is a closet candy crusher. Dude smokes ice out of skank booty."

Bro2: "Damn, I knew I shouldn't have let him borrow my assbong. Oh well YOLO!"

Bro: "Nasty mang, you probably got mouth herpes now."

by the mysterious j September 7, 2013

crystal closet

someone who says they're really straight (them being in the closet) but in reality, they're gayer than all rainbows combined, but they don't wanna admit it (hence the term crystal closet, because everyone except them can see through their closeted behavior. the trans equivalent for this would be "egg".)

x: have you seen z? they're so gay it's turning me homophobic, like come out already!
y: typical crystal closet behavior, they'll grow out of it (i hope)
z: IM NOT GAY ISTG

by Toh.gayest.show September 4, 2023

closet dom

A dom, usually one which, as the name suggests, is in the closet. They are usually inexperienced with sex.

This is unlike a under-dom, as the closet dom does not want to believe they are a dom, or they want to be a sub, but in reality they cannot help themselves from their inner dom. Not to say they are particularly dominant in secret, but that they are in the end the dominant one.

Vel: "I bet Karl is a closet dom; he wants to be a sub, but he's really a dom.

by steelseries9 October 7, 2022

closet sniping

the act of waiting in a room closet with a mask at a house party while edging till 2 people use the room for intercourse then when the 2 occupants are about to finish you run out of the closet ejaculating onto said occupants yelling the word closet snipe

Occupant 1 : Did that guy just end up closet sniping us..?!?!

Occupant 2 : OMG he did i feel the cum on me.!!

by 4Kyaro January 24, 2025

Cuckold Closet

This is the place where a man of low self esteem resides. Often fantasizing about his wife having sex with another man and enjoying the verbal humiliation he recieves.

Mark is definitely in the cuckold closet. He saw other men touching up on his wife at the bar and he decided to watch in awe instead of standing up for himself

by MantiTeosGF January 26, 2024

closet tugger

Someone with the compulsive need to tug-it in the closet. Maybe due to a tramatic event of being walked in upon while giving his reliable pair the 1-2 polish and shine, (he wears sandals). There’s no shame, just more mess and not as much wiggle room as your traditional shower has to offer.

“I myself, am a closet tugger, the doors provide a nice secure barrier from the outside world during me time, and my girlfriends fuzzy scarves drape just low enough to tickle the tip.

“Dave is such a closet tugger! Look, he’s wearing crocs!”

by DrGreenT December 20, 2018

Closet Republican

The kind of guy who votes Republican solely because he doesn't want to pay for the other party's new tax hike or other such social expense. Usually a high-income earner who lives in a coastal city and will go to great lengths to not reveal his vote to his more liberal friends. Sometimes he'll even build a superficial pro-this or that persona just to fit in with whatever his friends claim to support, some of whom may be just "fitting in" themselves.

"There's no way a guy with a house and a job like that would support the new tax bill, he's probably just a closeted Republican."
"I don't know about you but that little speech of his sounded so forced and generic, like something a closet Republican would say just to impress people..."

by Henrey S March 24, 2024