A direct competitor to the for-profit Sperm Bank, the Sperm Credit Union is a co-operative sperm banking venture owned collectively by depositors, who are known as members. Through careful management and economy, it can pay a little more or charge a little less as it had no outside stockholders seeking profit at members' expense.
The same pattern held in other sectors where small, local credit unions had taken on large, greedy for-profit banks. Make a deposit in Blood Credit Union and they bleed you a little less aggressively than the corporate hacks at Blood Bank. Withdraw noodles from the local Food Credit Union and be able to repay a few noodles less than would be charged by a greedy, Wall Street Food Bank. And on it goes.
The principle is the same as any other mutual or co-operative society, such as Mutual Orgasm as an insurance provider or the Building Societies as mortgage lenders. By taking matters into their own hands, members collectively obtain a more satisfying outcome.
The same pattern held in other sectors where small, local credit unions had taken on large, greedy for-profit banks. Make a deposit in Blood Credit Union and they bleed you a little less aggressively than the corporate hacks at Blood Bank. Withdraw noodles from the local Food Credit Union and be able to repay a few noodles less than would be charged by a greedy, Wall Street Food Bank. And on it goes.
The principle is the same as any other mutual or co-operative society, such as Mutual Orgasm as an insurance provider or the Building Societies as mortgage lenders. By taking matters into their own hands, members collectively obtain a more satisfying outcome.
I was initially sceptical when that trollop Beth tried to seduce me into becoming a member. What, pray tell, is a Sperm Credit Union? This sounded like something out of the idealistic free-love Summer of '69 where the Sexual Revolution, fuelled by the Pill and not yet castrated by full-scale STD panic, led to massive orgies of excess where everyone belongs to everyone else. And these Annual General Meetings? They sounded like something out of a porn flick, Bukkake Gangbang part 666.
Then she sat me down and opened the books, reviewing the prospectus and the annual reports. The business model appeared sound; infertile couples pay to borrow members' DNA — both sperm and eggs — to build their families and secure their future. Members deposit their seed and earn interest. Much like a bank, every one of the hundreds of millions of sperm every day would be individually counted, frozen, accounted for and secured. Every one of them. Everything was strictly regulated and deposits nationally insured up to a limit of a half-million sperm. Compared to the shambolic wreckage of the rest of the US banking system, the Sperm Credit Union was fiscally-prudent and well managed.
Then she sat me down and opened the books, reviewing the prospectus and the annual reports. The business model appeared sound; infertile couples pay to borrow members' DNA — both sperm and eggs — to build their families and secure their future. Members deposit their seed and earn interest. Much like a bank, every one of the hundreds of millions of sperm every day would be individually counted, frozen, accounted for and secured. Every one of them. Everything was strictly regulated and deposits nationally insured up to a limit of a half-million sperm. Compared to the shambolic wreckage of the rest of the US banking system, the Sperm Credit Union was fiscally-prudent and well managed.
by bitchuck September 3, 2024
Get the Sperm Credit Unionmug. Phil: 'Stephen explane what sperm is'
Stephen : 'I don't not sir, I'm w virgin.
Also Stephen:' Sperm is what believes comes out of your penis when your uncle rubs it '.
Stephen : 'I don't not sir, I'm w virgin.
Also Stephen:' Sperm is what believes comes out of your penis when your uncle rubs it '.
by Kaasplankje3.0 May 3, 2020
Get the Spermmug. "Sperm-troeteldier" (singular) or "Sperm-troeteldiere"(plural) is an Afrikaans - a language spoken in South Africa - collective noun and neologism, that directly translates to "sperm pet/s" in English. It refers to annoying infants/toddlers/children/teenagers, as the concept or idea itself, is derivative of the well-known fact that humanity is the only mammal species in the history of existence that keep their sperms as pets. This quaint little Afrikaans neologism is specifically designated for individuals who really don't like kids, and a very polite (albeit somewhat sarcastically offensive) way to describe those annoying little "knater monsters" (crotch goblins), of your friends and immediate family. This silly little neologism has maximum effect when used in close proximity to a Karen. So, if you don't like kids; this one's for you!
"Jirre, ek moet alweer vandag na my suster se fokken sperm-troeteldiere gaan kyk!"
(Jesus, today I have to go and babysit my sister's fucking sperm pets again!)
"Susan! Kom haal jou sperm-troeteldier, hy het sopas op my nuwe fokken skoene gekots..."
(Susan! Come and fetch your sperm pet, he puked on my new fucking shoes...)
Persoon 1: "Fok, ek haat kinders!"
(Person 1: "Fuck I hate children!"
Persoon 2: "Jy bedoel seker sperm-troeteldiere?!"
(Person 2: "You probably mean sperm pets?!")
(Jesus, today I have to go and babysit my sister's fucking sperm pets again!)
"Susan! Kom haal jou sperm-troeteldier, hy het sopas op my nuwe fokken skoene gekots..."
(Susan! Come and fetch your sperm pet, he puked on my new fucking shoes...)
Persoon 1: "Fok, ek haat kinders!"
(Person 1: "Fuck I hate children!"
Persoon 2: "Jy bedoel seker sperm-troeteldiere?!"
(Person 2: "You probably mean sperm pets?!")
by thefriendlysatanist March 20, 2023
Get the Sperm-troeteldiermug. The act of a man blowing his load, like that of a sperm whale blowing through its blow hole, into a man or woman's nostril whilst they snort it back, like snorting a fat line or rail.
J asked L if she remembered the favor she owed him. She said, "yes, I told you it could be anything, you name it." He said, "what about The Sperm Rail?" In which she replied, "I remember you explaining this to me, the answer is yes, we have to try it at least once." J replied, "this is why your the best woman I could ever have."
by jasonjjung76 October 27, 2022
Get the The Sperm Railmug. by Daddy Asher June 4, 2021
Get the Sperm Memug. 
"Marked as Sperm": a play on "Marked as Spam", commonly seen in message boards and forums. "Marked as Sperm" is used when the message in question is too odious to be adequately described by the relatively mild "Marked as Spam".
A hypothetical example of "marked as sperm" combined with a slightly edited actual comment:
john_balls1011 @dildoilbravishla: FUCK YOU DICKWAD
(Reply) (Mark as sperm) (Ignore)(Report)
john_balls1011 @dildoilbravishla: FUCK YOU DICKWAD
(Reply) (Mark as sperm) (Ignore)(Report)
by Suzy Clemens April 8, 2010
Get the marked as spermmug.