Autoeroticism

Self stimulation. Having a date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 slut daughters, Auditioning the hand puppet, Badgering the witness, Bashing the bishop, Beating the shit out of your incapacitated midget, Beating the snotty end of my fuck stick, Blueball baseball, Calling down for more Mayo, Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis, Caping the crusader, Cheating on your other hand, Checking the plumbing, Choking the chicken, Tossing off, Trolling for the one-eyed walleye, Performing the tube sock tango, Wanking the white, Warming up the altar boy's dinner, White-water wristing etc. etc.

I've got nothing better to do with my time so I practice autoeroticism for hours on end.

Autoeroticism by Wankerrrrrrz September 26, 2006

Autoirontic 

When someone is amused at how they're being cleverly ironic, but no one else gets it. Almost always triggered by significant alcohol consumption, when the imbiber becomes convinced they're cross-channeling Socrates and Robin Williams. Some unfortunate souls have been known to suffer from this condition permanently - avoid making eye contact with these people.

As the night of drinking went on, Joe eventually cleared the bar of all his friends but he didn't seem to notice. His autoirontic banter kept him laughing at his 'witty' observations all on his own.

"Do we have to invite Joe to go out drinking with us? Two cocktails and he gets autoirontic, and I'm tired of having to put up him thinking he's being funny and insightful - it's embarrassing"

Autoirontic by word burgler June 26, 2018

autoerotichomonecropyrobeastiality 

choking yourself while having sex with a dead animal of the same gender while setting it on fire.

autoerotic homo necro pyro beastiality

Sick people engage in autoerotichomonecropyrobeastiality.

autoerotichomonecropyrobeastiality by Brian Balzac April 24, 2008

Auto-erotic Netflix and chill 

When your Tinder date doesn't show up, and you take matters into your own hands.

When Zack realized that she wasn't showing up, he resigned himself to a bit of auto-erotic Netflix and chill.

Auto-erotic netflix netflix and chill

Auto-erotic Netflix and chill by MisterGreene May 29, 2017

Auto-erotic Asphyxiation 

When southerners see a truck so large that it takes their breath away.

"Officer, this man was found next to his spilled sweet tea. He has a stain on his pants and appears to have suffocated naturally. Looks like another case of auto-erotic asphyxiation."

"Thanks, Doctor. That jacked up Ford F-350 with the truck nutz must have driven through the neighborhood again."

"Shoo-dang!"

Auto-erotic Asphyxiation by Shagatron May 6, 2014

auto-erotic touching

For those interested, auto erotic touching is a safer option compared to the other, more exciting and stimulating way. The most common manner of AET would be for the scared weaklings out there is to only fantasize about suffocation while masterbating and sensuslly caressing their own body, (because the risk of death and brain damage from auto-erotic asphyxiation) rather than trying to walk the fine line between heightened sensation and serious brain impairment. Depending on how long the brain and body are deprived of oxygen, brain damage could occur even if death does not. Both men and women can participate in this activity.

Clint woke up in the middle of the night, cold and alone, got himself off and back to sleep by auto-erotic touching himself.

auto-erotic touching by DizzieRiot April 19, 2014

autoerotism 

Self-satisfaction of sexual desire, as by masturbation.
The arousal of sexual feeling without an external stimulus.

autoerotism is the sole way of escaping from bullheaded and self-satisfied girls.

autoerotism by Mehrdad.Hosseiny March 3, 2009