dumper tortoise

a dumper tortoise is a name for a real turd of a person
can be used all the time because no one knows it so it seems like a clever comeback

person a: Good Charlotte is awesome cockboy
person b: shut the fuck up dumper tortoise

dumper tortoise by The Great El Sahey September 19, 2006

Retracting tortoise 

A phrase used in response to somebody doing or saying something so unattractive, that the most mighty of erections would quickly shrivel to the size of an acorn. Very much like the head of a tortoise would retract within its shell.

"Dude, did you see Lucy eating that sausage and egg mcmuffin earlier?"
"Yeah man, she got mustard up her nose and proceeded to spoon it out and eat it, total retracting tortoise."

Retracting tortoise by Huuuuud September 23, 2012

tortoise shell 

The result of cooling of the testis. The scrotum rises, shrinks and hardens, resembling a tortoise shell. Often goes hand in hand with shrinkage of the nob.

Steve, "The water is freezing today."
Morty, "Yeah man, I got a tortoise shell"

tortoise shell by Chris Avis March 27, 2008

behead the brown tortoise 

Verb: To take a shit. So called because the act of the sphyncter muscles, whilst pinching off the loaf, creates a guillotine effect upon the toroise's (the shit) neck.

"Hey guys, I'd love to go to the store with you, but I've really got to behead the brown tortoise right now."

behead the brown tortoise by A Dub November 10, 2008

Titties The Tortoise 

A nickname for Ms. Hamster's pet. He always manages to escape his cage and climbs up trees, waiting to commit suicide by flipping upside down. When it's winter he goes brain dead until he somehow reincarnates himself when spring comes around.

I have got a pet here who loves sleeping.

It's a tortoise!
It's titties the tortoise!

Titties The Tortoise by bryan's school account September 20, 2019

Trevor The Tortoise 

A godlike being who is seen as a tortoise, he has complete control of everything and is immune to every attacks no matter what it does he can manipulate reality to his will and can destroy universes with ease. He is extremely lazy and has no care for anything but has an immense of IQ and fighting experience and can just step on you and you will die. Trevor is also an extremely large tortoise that has a thicc shell around him.

Trevor The Tortoise is a cool guy.

I wanna be like Trevor The Tortoise but I cannot because he is too godlike and overpowered.

Trevor The Tortoise by TestudoRex August 29, 2021

tortoise 

Noun (ancient Roman military term): a battle tactic in which a squad of soldiers close ranks into a tight square and link their shields over their heads and at their sides all around, creating a nearly impenetrable formation which can advance and engage enemy positions at close range without taking heavy casualties.

During the battle at the Moon Gate in Alexandria, Caesar ordered the deployment of the tortoise formation to neutralize the enemy ballistas.

tortoise by speedog July 27, 2010