one legged man in an ass kicking contest 

Attempting to accomplish a goal (kick ass) with some possible success only to wind up falling on your own ass. Having to try harder than the average person to reach the same success. A repeated accomplishment followed up by repeated embarrassing failures.

Melvin was a good looking guy but his halitosis made the women gag, he was about as successful with dating as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

one legged man in an ass kicking contest by EmmasTatDad July 24, 2014

Do one legged ducks swim in circles? 

If someone asks if an answer is correct, and its clearly obvious to everyone it is, then the retort is "do one legged ducks swim in circles?"

"Is the sky blue?"
"Do one legged ducks swim in circles?"

Do one legged ducks swim in circles? by Dubster May 25, 2003

busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest 

To be so busy, that you will never finish your job

"There is no way I can finish that too!" "Im busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest!"

busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest by Frainslug November 5, 2005

the one legged pirate 

When you ejaculate in his\her eye, and immedintly kick them in the ankle causing him/her to scream ARRRGGG! While holding one eye.

Jenny was ok with their current sex life, but Frederick wanted to spice it up with, the one legged pirate.

the one legged pirate by the quacker February 7, 2015

One Legged Phone Balance

When you finish busting a nut, and you have to reach behind you for tissues, and you have to balance your phone on your legs.

Person One: How much skill do you have

Person Two: I pulled a One Legged Phone Balance after busting a nut

Person One: Impressive

One Legged Phone Balance by Old Douchebag July 12, 2018

one legged pirate 

when giving someone anal you proceed to step/break her ankle, this causes her to limp or hop on one leg. next, you shoot a "mighty,mighty" load into one of her eyes. this in turn causes her to cover an eye making her a one legged pirate.

My bitchy girlfriend wouldn't take my package the right way, so i made her uglier than she already is with the one legged pirate.

one legged pirate by poontang inc. March 21, 2003

One legged ghost 

the act of ejactulating on a girls face, then covering her face in flour, then finally stomping on her foot.

i was out at a party with joe, and gave this chick a one legged ghost in the bathroom.

One legged ghost by Dubstyl June 12, 2008