Shalom Alechem 

“SHALOM ALECHEM”

A way to kindly greet a sir
There are many ways to greet other people
Such as: Hey, Hi, Whats up, what’s good, whats cooch etc…
But nothing, I mean absolutely nothing beats “shalom Alechem” when greeting someone.
This is the only way you greet a sir.
1. Make eye contact
2. Extend arm out
3. Firmly shake your hands with the sir (imagine your squeezing your dick when you shake their hand, it will assert dominance)
4. “SHALOM ALECHEM”
5. And if they fuck with you they will politely respond by saying “MALECHE HASHALOM”

Example:
Johnny: “yo ben”
Ben: “whatsgood”
Johnny: “shalom alechem”
Ben: “fuck you nigger”

Shalom Alechem by Johnnymizrahi December 5, 2023

Shalom Alechem 

"Shalom Alechem" a way of greeting a gentleman with glory and respect. People try greeting others by saying things such as: What's up, what's good, whats cooch. But the ONLY right way to greet a sir properly is:

Step 1. Shake hand firmly

Step 2. Smirk slightly
Step 3. "sighhhhh... Shalom Alechem"

If the sir approves, he will reply by saying: "Malache Hashalom"

And if they don't reply by saying "Malache Hashalom" they probably have a very small dick.
So small that you can't even see it with a microscope.

(Studies show that people who don't say "Shalom Alechem" are usually cat-owning liberals, filthy democrats, or gay activist)

Scenario 1:
Johnny: "Shalom Alechem Ben you fine gentleman"
Ben: "Malache Hashalom Johnny my dear sir"
(both raise wine glass gracefully)

Scenario 2:
Johnny: "Shalom Alechem Ben"
Ben: "fuck you nigger"
Johnny: "ok"

and again if they don't reply by saying Malache Hashalom, they're most likely attracted to dudes

Shalom Alechem by Johnnymizrahi December 20, 2023

Shalom officer 

Used to greet the jewish officer that is hiding behind a persona of a pretty girl sharing right-wing political outlook on social media.

Pretty girl: Gun control won't do anything
Comment section: Shalom officer

Shalom officer by SkibitiKrzysiu82 June 22, 2024

shalom shyt 

(noun): a hot jew

“i was thinking about asking her to hoco with: ‘shalom shyt, can i have one lit night?🕎’”

shalom shyt by lexiconartist0 March 1, 2025

shalom officer

a phrase that indicates someone knows the receiver of this phrase is an undercover IDF agent

Person 1: "Nestlé, Palantir, and Chiquita did nothing wrong"
Person 2: "Shalom officer"

shalom officer by manaphy_games December 23, 2025

brit shalom 

An alternative to traditional Jewish circumcision, where a pomegranate is symbolically cut instead of the baby boy. During a brit shalom the Jewish newborn male is given a Hebrew name and welcomed into Jewish life.

My nephew's parents are proud Jews but didn't want to circumcise their son, so they had a brit shalom instead. Everyone cried — except the baby!

brit shalom by BeatriceC1000 August 31, 2020

Cock Shalom 

When pubic hair around the ballsack region grows long, dense, and curly to such an extreme that the shaft combined with the beard-like phenomenon makes it seem as though you have a hacidic jew between your legs.

When Steve entered the retirement home with his pants off, An older woman cried "What is that!?". But it was too late, everyone stood in awe as Steve's genitalia performed a Bar mitzvah. Cock Shalom.

Cock Shalom by rabbi elijazae December 17, 2010