jesus 

The religious figurehead of christianity; defined as a child of the middle east (who aren't white), usually pictured as a white guy, and for some reason using his name in vain only applies when someone else has more pull in christianity.

Possibly Superman

"You know jesus died for your sins!"

"I know. That's why I sin so much. I wouldn't want him to have died in vain!"

"That's blasphemy!"

"Dude, you have been to church a total of 2 times more than me. Tis points sytem sucks!"

jesus by G.L. Wolf April 7, 2008

jesus 

God's Son who died for all, even the people who have posted all of the sacreligious words above.

For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

jesus by newuser July 3, 2006

Jesus 

Some holy guy with a cool beard

Wasn’t Jesus that one guy who fucking died and came back to life

Jesus by Dog muncher123 November 3, 2018

jesus 

Was black according to 'Dogma'.

person 1: What an interesting concept, to think Jesus was black and so much white Christian tyranny could be based on a lie.
person 2: Dude.

jesus by Argos Gold June 29, 2006

Jesus 

(This definition coming from a Jew) May or may not be the son of God, but still a good guy with a straight message. But his messages were horribly misinterpreted by millions to mean that if you don't believe in him, then you are a sinner and must be attacked until you accept his religion, actually not his religion, his followers religions (Jesus was jewish). Eventually was nailed to a piece of wood and killed by Romans. Apperantly resurrected, (which in present day we celebrate by painting eggs, wtf!?). And uhh, I don't remember the rest, well that parts not important. Anyway, his message was get along. Christians need to chill with that high and mighty shit.

Jesus: Get along
Hitler: Kill Jews? Okay!
Jesus: No you retards!

Jesus by 187withmydickinyourmouth April 18, 2010

jesus 

Son of God who died to save mankind from their sins. rose again and ascended to heaven to sit at the right hand of the Father.

Jesus is my homeboy.

jesus by davy July 3, 2006

Jesus 

A nice guy who taught love, kindness, tolerance, etc. Sacrificed himself because we're all giant penises. Now people claim to follow his teachings, but just screw them over.

Oh look, there's Jesus over there! The world's gonna end.

Jesus by Poop N Scoop July 19, 2005