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Fig Newton 

The most godly food in the universe. The greatest cookie thinger ever. It contains the jam of figs and is covered by a chewy cake bread.
Kevin, eat this fig newton because you are stupid.
Fig Newton by BDALE4LIFE September 26, 2005

Fig Newton 

A nice way to say faggot with out disrespecting somebody.
Dude you're such a Fig Newton!
Fig Newton by CIZE June 7, 2013

fig newton 

as defined by Stewie Griffin "It's like an orgy in my mouth"
I ate a fig newton and it was like an orgy in my mouth.
fig newton by Ryan Comedic INC October 15, 2006

fig newton 

the most addicting cookie ever on the planet earth
I just ate a whole bag of fig newtons
fig newton by misaki December 28, 2005

Fig Newton 

A mediocre guy either in looks, personality, or both. And although he is average in every way, he thinks he is basically Ryan Reynolds.
While they may stay fig newtons forever it is possible for them to transform into something…like an Oreo…..or even a chocolate chip cookie.
While they are rare, fig newtons can also be female.

Examples: Jeff and Lester from the TV show Chuck
Dwight from the office.

Frollo from Hunchback of Norte Dame
Farquad from Shrek
Prince Charming from Shrek 2
Hans from Frozen
J’son (Starlord’s ‘Dad’) from Guardians of the Galaxy 2
Mr. Collins from Pride and Prejudice (honorable mention Mr. Wickham)
Yeah, we talked a bit. But, he was a bit of a fig Newton so I’m not interested.

Oh, nah! He a fig newton.

He got that fig newton haircut.

He talks like a fig newton.

He was the figgiest of newtons.
Fig Newton by notafignewton March 26, 2022

Fig Newton 

Someone who has hippie tendencies and beliefs. Often referred to as, granola, tree hugger, earth warrior, or all natural
That stanky hoe is so fig newton, she needs a bath.
Fig Newton by lilkitty_0201 February 7, 2020