wouldaben's definitions

model-thin

As thin as a model, particularly a runway/catwalk model. Very thin with essentially no visible fat. Abdomen is either flat or concave. Hip bones and the lower edges of the rib cage rise above the valley of the abdomen created between them. Real breasts are not present (or at least prominent) as breasts are filled with fat that has been stripped away by calorie deprivation. Small breast "buds," comparable to those of slim girls in the earliest stages of puberty, may be present. Artificial breasts are often present as they are composed of materials that cannot be digested to support metabolism, and the modeling industry seems to prefer them. Cheeks are concave and cheek-bones are prominent. Thighs are not much, if any, thicker than the calves. When the model stands with her feet together, her thighs do not touch each other and she creates the approximation of a one-dimensional line protruding perpendicular to the plane of the floor.

I understand that in order to be model-thin, women must endure constant hunger, hunger-headaches, coldness, frequent colds/flu, and often abuse drugs such as cocaine and cigarettes. Even when they have little body fat, they use laxatives and enemas to minimize their waists. Some force themselves to vomit food they have unintentionally eaten. None the less, I am ashamed to admit that I am enthralled with the sylphic beauty of women who are model thin. I have tried for two decades to ignore or change this attraction, but I cannot shake it.

by wouldaben December 13, 2010

reek of poverty

The smell that hovers around many poor people comprising cigarette smoke, cheap perfumes designed to mask odors (ex. Fabreeze), insecticides (ex. Raid), scented laundry detergent, and alcohol breath.

When I saw that guy, I knew he wasn't wealthy, but when I smelled his reek of poverty, I knew he was really scraping to get by.

by wouldaben January 10, 2011

beknighted

adjective used to describe people who speak as though they have royal (i.e. "knighted") authority. Important or authoritative but almost always used in a mocking or sarcastic sense.

Patient to Doctor: "I have been taking the same medications at the same dosages for the last ten years. I am not interested in paying $200 for a slip of paper that says, in your beknighted opinion, that I can continue to take them. That is simply the doctor's monopoly taxing pharmaceutical sales."

It is Sarah Palin's beknighted conclusion that climate change is a fiction. Next she'll be telling us she's an expert in quantum computing.

by wouldaben December 18, 2010

vulva-print

the pattern that a vulva makes when pressed against a surface. As each fingerprint is unique, so is each vulva-print.

The police officer was able to identify the suspect at the crime scene (a nude swimming pool for super-models) based solely on her vulva-print. The quick-thinking officer took a picture of the water-mark the suspect's vulva made against a bench at the swimming pool before it dried in the hot sun. After taking the vulva-print of each super-model at the pool using a soft clay mold pressed gently, yet firmly, against her vulva, the suspect (who had a glabrous, well-defined labia-majora and a trim labia-minora with crinkles at the edges reminiscent of orchid's petals) was identified.

by wouldaben December 13, 2010

tampon-transponder

a covert communication device inserted in the vagina of a secret-agent or sexy spy. The earliest model, developed by the Brazilians, could only send an out-going message encoded by the secret-agent squeezing her vagina in Morse-code, which was then converted the Kegal contractions into radio signals. The advantage of the device was that it was unlikely to be found even after a thorough frisking or even a strip-search. In the event it was found, the secret-agent could merely explain that she was having her period (as the device looked like an ordinary tampon with the string serving as the antenna). The Ukrainians created an improved version of the device that could receive and convey incoming messages as well. The incoming message, also in Morse-code, was translated into vibrations that corresponded to the dots and dashes. While effective as a communication device, the Ukrainian device suffered from the draw-back that it tended to cause intense orgasms in the secret-agents and, as the tampon could not absorb all the natural orgasmic lubricant due to its being filled with electronic gadgetry, the orgasmic fluid would often carry the tampon-transponder out into the panties of the secret agent, and she would have improvise a hasty trip to the lady's room to reinsert the device before she could resume communication.

The tampon-transponder was used by super-models because spy agencies believed that the thinnest women had the tightest vaginas and would therefore be best able to squeeze the transponders with their vaginas to generate out-going messages.

by wouldaben December 13, 2010

pussy-print

the pattern that a vulva makes when pressed against a surface. As each fingerprint is unique, so is each pussy-print.

The police officer was able to identify the suspect at the crime scene (a nude swimming pool for super-models) based solely on her pussy-print. The quick-thinking officer took a picture of the water-mark the suspect's vulva made against a bench at the swimming pool before it dried in the hot sun. After taking the pussy-print of each super-model at the pool using a soft clay mold pressed gently, yet firmly, against her vulva, the suspect (who had a glabrous, well-defined labia-majora and a trim labia-minora with crinkles at the edges reminiscent of orchid's petals) was identified.

by wouldaben December 19, 2010

perfrexionist

a combination of the words "perfectionist" and "anorexic." Someone, usually male, who cannot imagine being attracted to woman whose lower abdomen is convex or whose body has adipose tissue that disturbs the continuity of her lines.

You can call me shallow, but if sex is the only activity that is not allowed outside a committed relationship, then I'm going to make sexual attraction my first priority in a partner; in my case, that makes me a perfrexionist.

by wouldaben December 19, 2010