wiretapper's definitions

brightmare

the horror of suddenly remembering you're living in a pandemic

I was watching a concert on youtube and suddenly remembered we're not allowed to do that anymore. Total brightmare.

by wiretapper November 13, 2020

Elbum

Being elbowed over to the other side of the bed by your partner using only her ass.

I was snoring so she elbummed me away

by wiretapper October 12, 2016

Carbibore

A person who bores the hell out of anyone within earshot about their low-carb diet.

Bob wouldn't stop droning on about his Atkin's diet, he's such a carbibore.

by wiretapper June 24, 2016

drinkularity

The point where you meet an attractive woman but you've had too much to drink, talk utter shite and totally fuck it up before collapsing into a black hole of stupidity and self-loathing.

Judging by the look on her face, he's just fallen into the drinkularity

by wiretapper July 19, 2018

digestive biscuit

unadventurous, tedious sexual activity restricted to the missionary position in a libido-sapping, grinding tedium where the only respite is found in conjured images of grocery shopping lists.

Oh how I yearned for something with a bit of chocolate but only ever got a digestive biscuit.

by wiretapper October 24, 2016

rectify

To correct somebody who is clearly talking out of his arse.

After listening to his horseshit for a bit, I thought I'd rectify the situation.

by wiretapper October 24, 2016