von groovy's definitions

dreamshame

The unpleasant feeling you have after having a dream where you do something you really want to do, but can't in your waking life due to the shame you'd feel

Seamus was walking around the block today in full dreamshame mode after having that dream where he boned his teacher Mrs. Jones.

by von groovy April 13, 2019

smooth as sandpaper

A way to criticize someone for failing to do something easy because it is obviously rough for them.

Reggie: Watch me tie my shoes! Oh no! I forgot the bunny ears part!
Art: Wow! You are as smooth as sandpaper, Reggie! Now let's get back to 11th grade math.

by von groovy August 8, 2017

she-fail

When a female does something normally intended for a male and does not succeed.

Javon: Did you hear about Molly trying out as linebacker for Varsity?
Aaron: Yes! And she-fail!!!

by von groovy February 21, 2019

handling the merchandise

The act of masturbating in a grocery store while employing the merchandise to complete the act

"Clean up on aisle 3 in produce. Someone has been handling the merchandise and the avocados have been abused"

by von groovy September 15, 2019

I've been me

This is what you tell people when they try to tell you who you are and they are attempting to get you to second guess yourself.

Leo: "You know you just don't seem to understand what is happening with this. You are acting strange about this."
Leighia: "Leo, I've been me. Don't start that. It won't work. You are sippin on sus and it ain't helping you."

by von groovy August 9, 2024

selfspense

A combination of the words SELFIE and SUSPENSE which defines the amount of time a person waits to see if their most recently posted selfie will be a success and they will be admired by many.

While enjoying a new craft beer, Shari decided to post a selfie. She sat in selfspense for what seemed an eternity - 33 seconds - before a follower reshared it and backhanded a compliment to her.

by von groovy September 7, 2017